There are some things that don't change no matter how old we are. Some days like today I just want my mom...and on days like this when I'm having an incredibly hard day, I regret why I live so far from my family and I'm filled with immense sadness and helplessness. I really hate that I live so far away and its something that I think about on a daily basis. I don't think my life is much better just because I make more than I would make living at home. I struggle with whether the education and pursuit of the American dream is worth it after all not to mention enduring 5 months of bitter cold and lack of sunshine.
I called my family today, and somehow instead of making me feel better, I felt sad. I am missing all those chances of laughter and sharing. I'm always rushing, busy, lot of times lonely and feeling so heavily laden as a sole provider for myself and lil man.
Ok so I'm getting married and to a great man...but at this point this is a bit
stressful in itself...where are we going to live, when is the wedding, how big, how much...YIKES!!! Lots of endless questions...I don't have time or space in my brain. I need to file my taxes, fill out my FAFSA, complete my homework assignment, catch up with the pile of reading, sell some chocolates for lil man's school fundraiser, meet with his teacher...and that's why I need my mom, because she would hug me and let me know that it was all going to be ok and I would feel better.
She did let me know that it was not going to be like this forever and that I needed to trust that God knows what I'm going through and he can lighten this load. If I didn't believe in Jesus, I don't know where I would be right now. I know in the back of my head that he cares and is right here with me. Sure, it's not my mom but he has a special way of letting me know that it's going to be ok. So that's all I'm banking on now, the Lords promise to always be with me, strengthen me.
"Do not be anxious, about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guide your heart and your mind, in Christ Jesus." Phillipians 4:6
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Monday, February 8, 2010
Wow, I have a blog...
Ok, so my life has been totally hectic and amidst my pile of paperwork I remembered this blog and how good it feels to write without being 'forced'. I have posts stored in my head that I have been wanting to put down and now that I started I'm afraid I might not stop...but I have to, because of a minor thing called a MIDTERM on Thursday!! First of all...don't know why they call it midterm because it's only been a few weeks and it's not midsemester but to help it make sense there is midterm 1 and 2.
Epidemiology is an interesting subject, I loove this class. Actually I love school and work is cramping my style right now. My boss seems to be yelling more than usual and I'm not liking it the least bit. I had a co-worker walk right out and quit a couple weeks ago and lately I've been dreaming about doing the same thing...yeah, stick it to them...but that is where it shall stay for now because I don't have a trust fund, I digress. Back to school,the place where fulfillment and stress meet, but I can live with that.
My baby boy a.k.a lil man has seen Mommy less because of the massive amounts of work I've had and crazy schedule. I never cease to amaze myself at how I always manage to overschedule myself. Typical characteristic acquired from my dad. I'm part of a group fundraising for microfinance projects in Kenya, I volunteered to give an overview of Africa as one of the few in my church this week, also thought it would be cool to teach a Kiswahili song to a couple people...mental note: meet with band and vocalists on Thursday night. I want to volunteer for another fabulous health project(meeting with director has been pending for a few weeks now), small group(church) meeting this Tuesday after study group meeting, sell those chocolates for lil man's school fundraiser, my friend just had a baby today and need to see her, need to return phone that I bought over the weekend...too much, my brain is barely functional. On top of all that, we are getting a winter storm that will make commuting a nightmare!!!!
I thought writing this post would make me feel better but it's only outlined how
scatter-brained I am right this minute and how many things need to be done. So I think I have to stop writing and do something else...yeah forgot about doing my taxes. Those need to be done ASAP so I can fill in my loans information....
If my family is reading this, pray for me. Lord, I need to feel some sanity in my life, give me wisdom to figure these things out.
Epidemiology is an interesting subject, I loove this class. Actually I love school and work is cramping my style right now. My boss seems to be yelling more than usual and I'm not liking it the least bit. I had a co-worker walk right out and quit a couple weeks ago and lately I've been dreaming about doing the same thing...yeah, stick it to them...but that is where it shall stay for now because I don't have a trust fund, I digress. Back to school,the place where fulfillment and stress meet, but I can live with that.
My baby boy a.k.a lil man has seen Mommy less because of the massive amounts of work I've had and crazy schedule. I never cease to amaze myself at how I always manage to overschedule myself. Typical characteristic acquired from my dad. I'm part of a group fundraising for microfinance projects in Kenya, I volunteered to give an overview of Africa as one of the few in my church this week, also thought it would be cool to teach a Kiswahili song to a couple people...mental note: meet with band and vocalists on Thursday night. I want to volunteer for another fabulous health project(meeting with director has been pending for a few weeks now), small group(church) meeting this Tuesday after study group meeting, sell those chocolates for lil man's school fundraiser, my friend just had a baby today and need to see her, need to return phone that I bought over the weekend...too much, my brain is barely functional. On top of all that, we are getting a winter storm that will make commuting a nightmare!!!!
I thought writing this post would make me feel better but it's only outlined how
scatter-brained I am right this minute and how many things need to be done. So I think I have to stop writing and do something else...yeah forgot about doing my taxes. Those need to be done ASAP so I can fill in my loans information....
If my family is reading this, pray for me. Lord, I need to feel some sanity in my life, give me wisdom to figure these things out.
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