Thanksgiving fears

Thanksgiving……I have a lot of things to be thankful for: family, friends, work, school, good health, good grades, etc. I’m so blessed which is why I feel a bit selfish for being so anxious about the actual holiday. The months of November and December bring happiness and sadness in much the same amounts. If I’m not travelling to see my family which is not so often, I know I will be in cold Chicago and I’m always anxious about being alone during the holidays and while everybody has happily made plans to be with their family, I’m always in that awkward state of unplanned Thanksgiving, unplanned Christmas. I almost hate it when people ask me what I’m doing for Thanksgiving. There are usually a number of scenarios when this question comes up with my response (in my head) after it.

Scenario 1: Person asking is going out of town to be with family. When I respond that I have no plans, there’s the usual, do you have family anywhere close or how often do you get to see your family? Sad story that I wish I didn’t have to recount.
Scenario 2: Person asking feels has family in town/burbs so they say that if I don’t have any plans, I can join their family for Thanksgiving. Maybe
Scenario 3: Person asking has family in town but it’s obvious Thanksgiving is “their” thing so the invitation is made in a weird way like “we’ll be home, you can always join us” sounding intrusive but willing to sacrifice type of vibe. A big NO
Scenario 4: Person asking is truly honestly concerned and especially if they are Africans in the Diaspora, I know they truly mean it. Most Likely

The comfortable scenario only happens about 10% of the time. How’s that possible? I know many people; ok I think I have friends.

See, I used to have this friend in Chicago who is real cool like family and I knew that unless they were going out of town, we would stick together for Thanksgiving wherever we were going to be. Too bad they moved to a different city and now I’m back to square one.

I’m not throwing a pity party for myself. I’m really not. But this has the tendency to make me want to have 5+ kids so I can always have a big family around me. Not a good reason but reasonable. So I’m thinking I should start my own party and invite people who have nowhere else to go as opposed to having the 5+ kids. I think that’s a better plan. Starting next year that is… See this year; I have this job with bare minimum vacation and school, mostly school. So I can’t afford to take up too much time entertaining while I have pending final exams!

I’m not sure where I was going with this but I’m thankful for my family that I know will be with me: my Lil and my Main man. Even if it’s just the 3 of us, we have a lot to be thankful for.

the holidays are not scary this year...

I have so much to be thankful for and not in a cliche type of way..in a its a miracle, unbelievable type of way. Two years from the date I was so hopeless, I sat in my house on thanksgiving day and cried. Last year, I ventured out feeling hopeful and this year, I have no words. I have an abundance of peace, love, friends and resources. Sometimes I wonder why God just lets us stay struggling when he is capable of doing. But in retrospect, that is what it took to let me know how much he is capable. I was down and under and he has lifted me up. If I wasn't at the bottom, I would not appreciate what it feels like to be right here. My God has done his thing. I get to see my family in less than two weeks and I am beside myself because I miss them so much. Sure there are lots of things I could worry about, I'm taking lots of unpaid time in this economy, the school has threatened that my son is taking too much time off. Seriously, for a smart kid in Kindergarten and that ish about being away for 2 wks. I digress for this just irks me. See my God worked out all the details so I will not let some nonsense distract me from this happy moment. He provided the finances, the time, the accomodating work schedule, accomodating legal matters, it was like a jigsaw puzzle that had to come together at exactly the right time. So I'm praying, believing and basking in the goodness of him.