This was the message from today's service and for me a personal conviction. There are many times when I have woken up and just wondered how I was going to face the day. I should be grown up spiritually enough by now to know that God has always taken care of me...after a major panic. When I look back I see how I have been delivered from many crazy and dangerous situations physically, emotionally and mentally.
Now Lord, I'm being convicted to open my eyes and see that you are bigger than my troubles and to stop the panic before it starts. 2 Kings 6:16 when Elisha was confronted with the army coming to arrest him, he said, " Fear not, for those that are with us are more than those that are with them." What a great description of what all of us have as christians, what a comfort! Our heavenly father is always with us. Oh how I pray that God may open my eyes so that I stop reacting to my problems and conflicts but that I respond according to God's word. That I am confident that he is there alongside me. Thank you father for the promise that you will always be with us. Help me to focus on you and not my issues today. You are greater than anything that we encounter on this earth. Give me spiritual insight that I may see what it is you are doing in my life today and that I may show grace and kindness in the midst of my troubles.
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Reflections in the new year!
Wow, 2012! My blogging has really slacked off. I'm stuffed to my neck in posts I want to write. So much has happened in the last few months. Good things, bad things...
School
Inching away at this. Taking two classes each semester with a full time job and being a full time soccer mom was probably biting off more than I could chew. So needless to say the fall season was extremely busy for me. I survived. God, you know only by your hand. You brought along a partner in one of my class whom we were able to brainstorm and make it through the worst of it. You gave me strength and ideas for my other class that had an "interesting" group of students. My grandmother passed away close to thanksgiving and right around the last couple of weeks. Even though I gave it my all most of the time, I would have been happy with a B in those classes considering the circumstances. I managed to score As in both of my classes - Amen! I have been consistently amazed at how the Lord has blessed me in my school work not only in excelling but in showing me that I'm in the right place as I thoroughly enjoy my classes.
Work
I started this job slightly more than a year ago. I'm praising God and I have to remember to praise whenever the work politics and disappointments hit. My work place is badly managed and I don't feel like I'm using my abilities to the fullest. Worst of all, I don't feel like I have a voice or any suggestions stay on paper. So frustration is the name of the game here. Lawd help me!
Family
My son will be entering double digits in a year. God, you are great! The challenges have followed as I balance school/activity schedule and also help him to feel like his life is normal despite having two households. Birthdays are always the most challenging. Should we do two birthday parties..he wants a sleepover...arrgh. I need divine intervention. Arranging a bday party with a narcissist is a chore, because they always want to have it their way. I want my son to be happy, so sometimes I feel like I'm compromising..but it's not about me is it? I may need to seek professional help.
Relationship
I do not like attention so upcoming nuptials are putting a bit of a strain. Should we make everyone happy, or should we just ignore that and do what we want?
Spiritual
I've not been 'feeling' my regular church so the past year has been spent church hopping (or not) but I feel that God has led me to a worship place that I can connect right in my hood- seriously blocks away from me is this wonderful church. I have been so challenged and blessed being here.
Reflection:
When I look at where I have come from and where I'm going, I'm not sure how people make it without God. I am hoping to make this year, the one which I trust God fully, have faith and take his leading. My joy and happiness can only be within the confines of what God has in store and I can't wait to see it unfold. This is a year of major leaps in relationship, work, living and I'm lifting it all up to the master, the one who knew me from the beginning and will take me to the end. Jeremiah 29:11.
2012 here I come.
School
Inching away at this. Taking two classes each semester with a full time job and being a full time soccer mom was probably biting off more than I could chew. So needless to say the fall season was extremely busy for me. I survived. God, you know only by your hand. You brought along a partner in one of my class whom we were able to brainstorm and make it through the worst of it. You gave me strength and ideas for my other class that had an "interesting" group of students. My grandmother passed away close to thanksgiving and right around the last couple of weeks. Even though I gave it my all most of the time, I would have been happy with a B in those classes considering the circumstances. I managed to score As in both of my classes - Amen! I have been consistently amazed at how the Lord has blessed me in my school work not only in excelling but in showing me that I'm in the right place as I thoroughly enjoy my classes.
Work
I started this job slightly more than a year ago. I'm praising God and I have to remember to praise whenever the work politics and disappointments hit. My work place is badly managed and I don't feel like I'm using my abilities to the fullest. Worst of all, I don't feel like I have a voice or any suggestions stay on paper. So frustration is the name of the game here. Lawd help me!
Family
My son will be entering double digits in a year. God, you are great! The challenges have followed as I balance school/activity schedule and also help him to feel like his life is normal despite having two households. Birthdays are always the most challenging. Should we do two birthday parties..he wants a sleepover...arrgh. I need divine intervention. Arranging a bday party with a narcissist is a chore, because they always want to have it their way. I want my son to be happy, so sometimes I feel like I'm compromising..but it's not about me is it? I may need to seek professional help.
Relationship
I do not like attention so upcoming nuptials are putting a bit of a strain. Should we make everyone happy, or should we just ignore that and do what we want?
Spiritual
I've not been 'feeling' my regular church so the past year has been spent church hopping (or not) but I feel that God has led me to a worship place that I can connect right in my hood- seriously blocks away from me is this wonderful church. I have been so challenged and blessed being here.
Reflection:
When I look at where I have come from and where I'm going, I'm not sure how people make it without God. I am hoping to make this year, the one which I trust God fully, have faith and take his leading. My joy and happiness can only be within the confines of what God has in store and I can't wait to see it unfold. This is a year of major leaps in relationship, work, living and I'm lifting it all up to the master, the one who knew me from the beginning and will take me to the end. Jeremiah 29:11.
2012 here I come.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
I need you
Oh God, give me strength to survive this narcissist today.
I’m feeling weak
I feel so much rage.
I feel so much hatred.
So much regret
So much why me
I have worked so hard to move on
Yet some days I feel like I’m starting all over
I have to contain myself
This battle I may not win
But I have the strength within me
To survive the attacks
To fight in love
To not damage myself in the process
To remember that you exist
Not in my own strength Lord,
Because you have promised
Because I trust you
I will overcome
This too shall pass
I’m feeling weak
I feel so much rage.
I feel so much hatred.
So much regret
So much why me
I have worked so hard to move on
Yet some days I feel like I’m starting all over
I have to contain myself
This battle I may not win
But I have the strength within me
To survive the attacks
To fight in love
To not damage myself in the process
To remember that you exist
Not in my own strength Lord,
Because you have promised
Because I trust you
I will overcome
This too shall pass
Friday, July 15, 2011
Choose to love
It’s a funny thing about love
We dream about it
Write songs about it
Go chasing after it
Sometimes in the wrong places
Most times with the wrong people
But almost always
Unprepared for what we might find
Not without, but within ourselves
Unprepared to be vulnerable,
Unprepared to not be right
Unprepared to love and to be loved
It’s a funny thing about love
To welcome it
We must discard the fantasies
Accept to be vulnerable
Accept to forgive
Accept ourselves
Then and only then will we discover
That love has always been around us
Waiting a prepared heart
That chooses to love
We dream about it
Write songs about it
Go chasing after it
Sometimes in the wrong places
Most times with the wrong people
But almost always
Unprepared for what we might find
Not without, but within ourselves
Unprepared to be vulnerable,
Unprepared to not be right
Unprepared to love and to be loved
It’s a funny thing about love
To welcome it
We must discard the fantasies
Accept to be vulnerable
Accept to forgive
Accept ourselves
Then and only then will we discover
That love has always been around us
Waiting a prepared heart
That chooses to love
Thursday, July 7, 2011
I will make it today
“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” Maria Robinson
One of the hardest things in life is making that first move, drawing that first line, flipping to that new chapter. We may have gone through much planning or even agony to come up with precisely what we need to do. Sometimes we stay where we are even with that knowledge, mostly because of fear. We are afraid of leaving the chapter we are in, however uncomfortable, however painful, however meaningless. It could be fear of the unknown, fear about what others are going to say, fear of failure; so we are paralyzed and accept less than. We rationalize in our heads that we are good because we know what we need to do; we just need to set a perfect time to do it, with the perfect person, in the perfect season. In the meantime, days turn into years and the energy dwindles, while the pain, the meaninglessness and the discomfort increase. Life happens adding to the complexity, and the perfect time, person, season does not come. We ignore that inner voice and suppress our faith. Sometimes we realize this futility and move, many times we wait until it all becomes too much to handle, and right at the breaking point we may make that step. That one step may be all we needed. Then we wonder why we waited so long to set ourselves free.
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."
Hebrew 11:1 (NIV)
“But forget all that—it is nothing compared to what I am going to do. For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland."
Isaiah 43:18-19 (NLT)
One of the hardest things in life is making that first move, drawing that first line, flipping to that new chapter. We may have gone through much planning or even agony to come up with precisely what we need to do. Sometimes we stay where we are even with that knowledge, mostly because of fear. We are afraid of leaving the chapter we are in, however uncomfortable, however painful, however meaningless. It could be fear of the unknown, fear about what others are going to say, fear of failure; so we are paralyzed and accept less than. We rationalize in our heads that we are good because we know what we need to do; we just need to set a perfect time to do it, with the perfect person, in the perfect season. In the meantime, days turn into years and the energy dwindles, while the pain, the meaninglessness and the discomfort increase. Life happens adding to the complexity, and the perfect time, person, season does not come. We ignore that inner voice and suppress our faith. Sometimes we realize this futility and move, many times we wait until it all becomes too much to handle, and right at the breaking point we may make that step. That one step may be all we needed. Then we wonder why we waited so long to set ourselves free.
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."
Hebrew 11:1 (NIV)
“But forget all that—it is nothing compared to what I am going to do. For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland."
Isaiah 43:18-19 (NLT)
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Life's roadmap
"The unexamined life is not worth living." ~ Socrates.
I have been thinking lately about life and how we progress, grow. One of the things that has helped me figure myself out is writing. I write whenever, wherever I can. Sometimes out of the blue I will read something I wrote years ago and I might laugh, cry or be inspired. I can laugh at all the craziness that I have gone through and the mistakes I’ve made, sometimes those same things sadden me but ultimately I’m thankful because I can see how much I’ve grown. Sometimes I see that I’m struggling with the same thing, maybe in a different way and it upsets me because I should know better, and it gives me determination to work on it. It’s like I have created a map for myself: go here, don’t turn there, cliff waiting, don’t give into that, be more patient here, trust God more…and the list goes on.
Reading about myself helps me examine who I am and face the truth: good, bad, or ugly. I don’t claim that I always address what needs to be fixed heck sometimes I’m going in circles and hitting the same bump over and over. This is when I'm most frustrated with myself! The process of self-examination however continues to help me uncover who I am and where I want to be. The past has really been instrumental in making who I am today. I have learnt from my many mistakes. Wouldn’t I like to forget you ask? I read somewhere that there is a reason the windshield is bigger than the rearview mirror. When we look at what we left behind, it should be but a glimpse of what we have left behind, we should not dwell on it. We have the whole journey ahead of us. Sometimes, I dwell on the past way too much and then I’m hitting things on the road I could have avoided. Then I know I need to adjust my attitude and keep my eyes on the road. If we narrowly missed a deer, we should be on the lookout ahead. We are more alert at what life can throw at us, because we have been through it. We can look in the rear and learn from our victories, they give us confidence that we can be successful and whatever accomplishments we have had, we can kick it up a notch.
Last night I read a post where I had written about what a particularly wonderful day I had had. Looking back at my life that year, I cannot even possibly imagine that there were any happy days, not to mention it was in the middle of winter which to me might as well be renamed agony! It would appear that it was just one big blur of sadness as it was one of the most stressful years of my life. But there it was- in my own writing that I was good, happy even. Things are ten times better now than they were then and I still find myself with discontent. From further reading, I figured out what I was doing then that made life happy. I was praying, I was confident about what God was doing in my life despite my misery. So I know that I need to adjust my priorities and put God where he belongs, right by me, guiding me. That is why David wrote in Psalms: "The Lord is my shepherd", because if he truly is then all we have to do is follow him, we need not be lost.
Friday, July 1, 2011
Comfort Zone
One of my favorite things to do in the summer is attend all the free concerts in the city. Chicago has many such venues exhibit A; the beautiful Pritzker Pavilion. Now since I moved to Chicago, I attend at least 5 or more events here each summer, all free, ranging from music concerts to movies to dance workouts. It’s so wonderful to meet and make friends. Yesterday I invited a friend who has lived in this city many years before me so naturally I was thinking they have been here before. Now imagine my surprise when he stated how wonderful the place looked since it was their first time! Now call me music lover or super outgoing, the former yes, the latter, not so much but how in the freaking universe have you never been to Pritzker Pavilion!!!
This got me to thinking about how we get into the routine of things in our lives and we limit ourselves to the things we know work: same route to work, same gym, same grocery store, same restaurant, same bar. It’s a comfort zone, after all “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” right? The problem with doing just the things we know ‘work’ is we limit ourselves to the possibilities of what could be. We don’t get to see another side of things, think differently, heck we don’t even have to think. When we keep doing the same things, we just cruise on and our life plateaus into a monotonous routine and before we know it, we are old and the days have passed. Think of all the new experiences that you may be missing out if you could change up your routine today.
I love predictability, Lord knows I do. I try to plan most of the time, but one thing even I don’t understand about myself is that I love variety, spontaneity and trying new things. Call me disloyal but I don’t even stay with the same hair stylist, I have several. Sometimes when we stay in the same place for too long we don’t notice things that need fixing, things that are wrong, the stench in the corner. We just get used to the stench, the stress, the mess. Sometimes the best thing about venturing out is you discover that what you had before was the greatest thing there is out there, so you go back. But even in this instance, because you moved and learnt to appreciate what you have, the old seems like new.
Think about your relationship with God, are you in a plateau, a rut, same old prayer, same seat in church. God is calling us to get out of our comfort zone and step into his comfort zone. If we get stuck on what works for us then we limit God. If we don’t take chances we miss out on the miracles and the victories that God is waiting to perform in our life. Resolve to move from your comfort zone, take a different route, smile and give a dollar to the homeless man, say hi to that crabby co-worker you avoid, go to a different store, watch a new show, try a new recipe, talk to a struggling friend, take a chance, move your relationship with God to the next level. Don’t just pray about little things, trust God for big things, surrender the control and watch him work.
Take a step today - do something different, don’t get stuck in a rut, God wants you to open up to the possibilities and to the wonderful plans he has for your life. Let’s face it, we have little control in this world and trying to control things around us just stresses us out. If we let God, we free ourselves, experience life as he meant it for us and have joy. He alone is our comforter.
If you are in a comfort zone, which one is it, yours or Gods?
Jeremiah 29:11: For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
This got me to thinking about how we get into the routine of things in our lives and we limit ourselves to the things we know work: same route to work, same gym, same grocery store, same restaurant, same bar. It’s a comfort zone, after all “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” right? The problem with doing just the things we know ‘work’ is we limit ourselves to the possibilities of what could be. We don’t get to see another side of things, think differently, heck we don’t even have to think. When we keep doing the same things, we just cruise on and our life plateaus into a monotonous routine and before we know it, we are old and the days have passed. Think of all the new experiences that you may be missing out if you could change up your routine today.
I love predictability, Lord knows I do. I try to plan most of the time, but one thing even I don’t understand about myself is that I love variety, spontaneity and trying new things. Call me disloyal but I don’t even stay with the same hair stylist, I have several. Sometimes when we stay in the same place for too long we don’t notice things that need fixing, things that are wrong, the stench in the corner. We just get used to the stench, the stress, the mess. Sometimes the best thing about venturing out is you discover that what you had before was the greatest thing there is out there, so you go back. But even in this instance, because you moved and learnt to appreciate what you have, the old seems like new.
Think about your relationship with God, are you in a plateau, a rut, same old prayer, same seat in church. God is calling us to get out of our comfort zone and step into his comfort zone. If we get stuck on what works for us then we limit God. If we don’t take chances we miss out on the miracles and the victories that God is waiting to perform in our life. Resolve to move from your comfort zone, take a different route, smile and give a dollar to the homeless man, say hi to that crabby co-worker you avoid, go to a different store, watch a new show, try a new recipe, talk to a struggling friend, take a chance, move your relationship with God to the next level. Don’t just pray about little things, trust God for big things, surrender the control and watch him work.
Take a step today - do something different, don’t get stuck in a rut, God wants you to open up to the possibilities and to the wonderful plans he has for your life. Let’s face it, we have little control in this world and trying to control things around us just stresses us out. If we let God, we free ourselves, experience life as he meant it for us and have joy. He alone is our comforter.
If you are in a comfort zone, which one is it, yours or Gods?
Jeremiah 29:11: For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Truth and Reality
When you finally see the truth, it’s like your eyes are opened for the very first time, and you can see clearly, you understand; and you are sad because the reality you lived in, was only a fraction of the truth. It was real, but it was not complete. It was not the truth. Sometimes as human beings we know, we sense, but we don’t want to uncover the truth because it might hurt, because it could move us, because it may be uncomfortable, but we forfeit peace, love and happiness. See, the truth sets you free, truth is universal and eternal; reality is relative and finite. Once reality ends, and if we choose truth, our eyes are opened; we can never go back because we are free. Truth sets us free. Jesus said, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. John 14:6. If we choose Jesus, we choose truth. Apart from him everything is relative and finite. He is universal and eternal.
Sunday, June 26, 2011
the heart's loss
Today I mourn:my relationship, love, a dream, a lifetime deferred. God, I was so not prepared for this. I went from being ecstatic about a lifetime to being completely deflated by the disappointment, never ending excuses and eventually the bitter reality.
Today I mourn for my son, for the life that he thought he would have, and the expectations that he has held. My heart just breaks for him so much. How could I let him love someone who would disappoint him then distance himself? How could I, what kind of mother does that…twice? Can I ever forgive myself?
Today I mourn for my parents, for the trouble they have had to go through and for the pain that they bear on my behalf. They wish me well and it’s so hard for them to see me keep falling over and over again. I thank God for their support and wisdom..yes, mostly wisdom even when I didn’t notice it, I realize now how wise they have been.
Tomorrow, maybe tomorrow, I will mourn for me.
Today I mourn for my son, for the life that he thought he would have, and the expectations that he has held. My heart just breaks for him so much. How could I let him love someone who would disappoint him then distance himself? How could I, what kind of mother does that…twice? Can I ever forgive myself?
Today I mourn for my parents, for the trouble they have had to go through and for the pain that they bear on my behalf. They wish me well and it’s so hard for them to see me keep falling over and over again. I thank God for their support and wisdom..yes, mostly wisdom even when I didn’t notice it, I realize now how wise they have been.
Tomorrow, maybe tomorrow, I will mourn for me.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Lord take this hurt
It hurts to think
It hurts to sleep
My dreams haunt me
My to be life extraordinaire
Now my nightmare
It hurts to love
It hurts to be hurt
My heart is broken
My to be life extraordinaire
Now just a crazy idea?
The things I liked
Are just passing me by
My God, how did I get here?
Did I loose sight,
Of what you desire my life to be?
The things I planned
Now just seem obscured
By all this hurt
Help me gain but a mustard seed
Size of faith to see the sun
If I know one thing
Is in You I have hope
I give you my hurt
Heal me Lord
Turn it into a blessing
In place of all the hurt
I accept your grace and pardon
For peace and joy are mine
And a new vision
To keep on loving
It hurts to sleep
My dreams haunt me
My to be life extraordinaire
Now my nightmare
It hurts to love
It hurts to be hurt
My heart is broken
My to be life extraordinaire
Now just a crazy idea?
The things I liked
Are just passing me by
My God, how did I get here?
Did I loose sight,
Of what you desire my life to be?
The things I planned
Now just seem obscured
By all this hurt
Help me gain but a mustard seed
Size of faith to see the sun
If I know one thing
Is in You I have hope
I give you my hurt
Heal me Lord
Turn it into a blessing
In place of all the hurt
I accept your grace and pardon
For peace and joy are mine
And a new vision
To keep on loving
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
the years happenings so far
I have neglected this blog, the busyness of life this winter has been a bit much, but I think of stuff I need to write daily. A lot is happening:
My lil man got his eye glasses yesterday, I can't believe it! He does not reeeally need them but he is a bit shortsighted..sigh. Apparently it's because children spend more time indoors and read more at an early age so...I'm thinking we might spend all summer in the wild just to correct that nearsightedness. $85 for the pair and I hope I do not go home to hear that they are missing broken. I spotted him putting them in his pocket yesterday and cautioned him that it's the best way to have broken glasses. On the flip side, I made sure to buy warranty.
This kid is soo grown. It sometimes breaks my heart but then again, this is the process of life. I signed him up for cooking class after school and he has been teaching me how to hold a knife. He really wanted to cut the onion last night, yikes! I wanted him to appreciate food and cooking health but he's taken it to the next level. Of course he does not stop with the funnies: "why does your hair start so far off your forehead, why can't it start closer"...referring to my big forehead- kids have guts! Yesterday he noticed he had lines under his eyes and wanted me to help him "remove" them. I asked him to wash his face and lotion up after which he was mad because his "lines" were still there. I asked him to drink more water.
School is school, what can I say...I am learning a lot, and sometimes it makes me mad, because I learn how oppressive the 'system' can be. I have been working in a marginalized community and I can't believe the level of poverty, desperation, neglect and hopelessness. Sometimes it's too much. I have made some friends there and I hope to work in garden there over the summer. The people I have met have been so warm. How come poor people tend to be warm, they have a lot more to complain about. It's hard to find well-to do folks who are so warm.
My relationship..I don't know, but I know that relationships are hardwork and that whoever said men are from Mars and women from Venus was right! I'm too grown for compromise but then again a health relationship requires that.
The weather is getting better, thank God, because winter believe it or not, and 10 years of it later, is STILL not my thing.
I'm still mad that I live so far from my family, and that life is so isolated over here. Maybe I need to get over it but it bugs me and I'm praying that God changes some things around so I'm able to move back close to my family. I believe it's going to happen, SOMEHOW!
God is still being God. I have a closer relationship with him now that I did at the beginning of the year. I'm reminded that life does not make sense without God and I continue to seek him, actually I'm learning to surrender....all. I have had to readjust my life, get rid of some friendships, make time for healthy ones, put my career in his hands, I know he has a great plan. I'm praying for faith and trust to take big leaps to the place he has for me. I know that where I'm now is just temporary but I'm learning a few lessons that will help me ahead. I think that is what God does.
My lil man got his eye glasses yesterday, I can't believe it! He does not reeeally need them but he is a bit shortsighted..sigh. Apparently it's because children spend more time indoors and read more at an early age so...I'm thinking we might spend all summer in the wild just to correct that nearsightedness. $85 for the pair and I hope I do not go home to hear that they are missing broken. I spotted him putting them in his pocket yesterday and cautioned him that it's the best way to have broken glasses. On the flip side, I made sure to buy warranty.
This kid is soo grown. It sometimes breaks my heart but then again, this is the process of life. I signed him up for cooking class after school and he has been teaching me how to hold a knife. He really wanted to cut the onion last night, yikes! I wanted him to appreciate food and cooking health but he's taken it to the next level. Of course he does not stop with the funnies: "why does your hair start so far off your forehead, why can't it start closer"...referring to my big forehead- kids have guts! Yesterday he noticed he had lines under his eyes and wanted me to help him "remove" them. I asked him to wash his face and lotion up after which he was mad because his "lines" were still there. I asked him to drink more water.
School is school, what can I say...I am learning a lot, and sometimes it makes me mad, because I learn how oppressive the 'system' can be. I have been working in a marginalized community and I can't believe the level of poverty, desperation, neglect and hopelessness. Sometimes it's too much. I have made some friends there and I hope to work in garden there over the summer. The people I have met have been so warm. How come poor people tend to be warm, they have a lot more to complain about. It's hard to find well-to do folks who are so warm.
My relationship..I don't know, but I know that relationships are hardwork and that whoever said men are from Mars and women from Venus was right! I'm too grown for compromise but then again a health relationship requires that.
The weather is getting better, thank God, because winter believe it or not, and 10 years of it later, is STILL not my thing.
I'm still mad that I live so far from my family, and that life is so isolated over here. Maybe I need to get over it but it bugs me and I'm praying that God changes some things around so I'm able to move back close to my family. I believe it's going to happen, SOMEHOW!
God is still being God. I have a closer relationship with him now that I did at the beginning of the year. I'm reminded that life does not make sense without God and I continue to seek him, actually I'm learning to surrender....all. I have had to readjust my life, get rid of some friendships, make time for healthy ones, put my career in his hands, I know he has a great plan. I'm praying for faith and trust to take big leaps to the place he has for me. I know that where I'm now is just temporary but I'm learning a few lessons that will help me ahead. I think that is what God does.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Fallacy
Oh the idiots that make this world run, how would we live without them?
They provide drama, unquestionable lunacy
Entertain us while so proving their knowledge
But in the end, we know they just
Want to be wanted, needed, heard, understood - maybe
All the while projecting their insecurities
Trying to make others look bad
So they can look good
It might save some image, even get them one foot in
But it never cures the inside
See you cannot lie to yourself forever - I think
Unless totally disillusioned,
And then what a waste of life
Take heed if you encounter one, do not be fooled
Do not partake; let them roll in it - folly that is
Oh the narcissists of this world, if only you knew
The only place you are king, is in your own head!
This is an actual encounter with a narcissist, 1/12/2011
They provide drama, unquestionable lunacy
Entertain us while so proving their knowledge
But in the end, we know they just
Want to be wanted, needed, heard, understood - maybe
All the while projecting their insecurities
Trying to make others look bad
So they can look good
It might save some image, even get them one foot in
But it never cures the inside
See you cannot lie to yourself forever - I think
Unless totally disillusioned,
And then what a waste of life
Take heed if you encounter one, do not be fooled
Do not partake; let them roll in it - folly that is
Oh the narcissists of this world, if only you knew
The only place you are king, is in your own head!
This is an actual encounter with a narcissist, 1/12/2011
Monday, January 17, 2011
2011 - year of faith and hope
This is definitely a sign of the times. It's half-way through January and I have not blogged once. I have had so many things to say it's burning in my head. For starters I went home sweet home in December. That is all there is to say, because that is total relaxation mode so much so I didn't want to be bothered with internet and all to do a post. It was heavenly and like all other times, I wished that it had been a one-way ticket.
Sadly I have returned to my life, now reduced to the dash to the car, work, school, home for the next 5 months. No room to smell roses - heck there are no roses! Just bushy reminders that summer will come again and that we will again forget this zombie-like life that winter produces not to mention the serious denial. I mean when it's 30 degrees we rejoice because it's not 10 degrees and it has "warmed up". What kind of crap is that?
O Lord once more help me survive this winter with grace, humility and a thankful heart.It's hard, very hard, but I believe I'm here in Chicago for a reason. I believe in the Lord's plan for this year and I'm really excited even though I'm not sure what the totality of it will be.
Thank God for God's grace, how else could we go on without the hope he offers?
Sadly I have returned to my life, now reduced to the dash to the car, work, school, home for the next 5 months. No room to smell roses - heck there are no roses! Just bushy reminders that summer will come again and that we will again forget this zombie-like life that winter produces not to mention the serious denial. I mean when it's 30 degrees we rejoice because it's not 10 degrees and it has "warmed up". What kind of crap is that?
O Lord once more help me survive this winter with grace, humility and a thankful heart.It's hard, very hard, but I believe I'm here in Chicago for a reason. I believe in the Lord's plan for this year and I'm really excited even though I'm not sure what the totality of it will be.
Thank God for God's grace, how else could we go on without the hope he offers?
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Part 1: Dr. Cornel West APHA Opening Session 2010
The opening remarks of Dr. West at APHA remind me why I'm in this field. This was so passionately and provocatively delivered, if this doesn't stir up your senses about the reality of our society, nothing will. I love that he stands up for the fact that he is a Christian.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
homesickness
Life is so unpredictable, one minute you are up and soaring and the next minute you are down, lonely and out. It's 1 am on Sunday morning, studying for my exam on Tuesday. It was a good day. It had both ups and downs, tears and laughter all in one day. I love my friends because I can always count on a good laugh when I'm with them. I'm trying to make changes in my life that are painful and emotionally exhausting, and I've been good about being 'strong' but today, I cried some of that pain away.
I miss home, I miss my family on days like this. I feel like the only thing that could make this moment better is if I was surrounded by my family. My lil man is away this weekend and the house is lonely, too lonely. Did I say I miss home?
I don't even feel like going to church today, sometimes, I just want to be in church that feels exactly how it feels at home...many miles away.
I miss home, I miss my family on days like this. I feel like the only thing that could make this moment better is if I was surrounded by my family. My lil man is away this weekend and the house is lonely, too lonely. Did I say I miss home?
I don't even feel like going to church today, sometimes, I just want to be in church that feels exactly how it feels at home...many miles away.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
the last stretch
I’m exhausted, mentally, emotionally, any kind of way. It’s that last 2-week stretch of the semester. There are soo many tasks to be done-why I’m I in school again? Why I’m I voluntarily torturing myself? I’ve kind of figured out, that even though school is taking a lot out of me, my job/work is the real killer here. I just can’t do it anymore. I officially hate my job. It takes a huge amount of energy to do the most minute task and my productivity is at an all time low. See, my boss is too bossy and I just don’t feel like I can take any more crap from her. Since the office manager passed away, this place is just not the same. This place in the words of Lauryn Hill (and not how they were meant to be used) is ‘killing me softly’, my brain at least. I need more- a challenge, more responsibility, more sense of doing good or accomplishment, and this is not it! This is not where I’m supposed to be but where I’m I supposed to be?
I’ve toyed with the idea of quitting and living on loans to do school full-time for 3 semesters. But I’m a mom and the economy is not so the way it used to be, so that might not be a smart move. Ok, I should be getting married soon so this could potentially work-that’s another post altogether, the whole marriage thing. The most rational thing to do is apply for other more suitable jobs. I know I want more challenge and responsibility but let’s face it, that means working long hours to prove myself on top of school and lil man so do I really want to take the route of a new job, new commute, and new hours? I love my flexible schedule as it is. Yuck, I guess something has to give.
I’m thinking I should trust and believe that God could provide this perfect job where I’m challenged and can strike a balance, but I’m scared. Scared to fully trust in the workings of an almighty God, my father who absolutely cares for me? What I’m I thinking? The God who cares about what birds eat…Why can’t I pray and trust God for this miracle job, doesn’t he have plans to give me a hope and a future? I know I need to surrender, do my best, and believe. Easier said than done, Lord I need strength and wisdom to get through this time.
I’ve toyed with the idea of quitting and living on loans to do school full-time for 3 semesters. But I’m a mom and the economy is not so the way it used to be, so that might not be a smart move. Ok, I should be getting married soon so this could potentially work-that’s another post altogether, the whole marriage thing. The most rational thing to do is apply for other more suitable jobs. I know I want more challenge and responsibility but let’s face it, that means working long hours to prove myself on top of school and lil man so do I really want to take the route of a new job, new commute, and new hours? I love my flexible schedule as it is. Yuck, I guess something has to give.
I’m thinking I should trust and believe that God could provide this perfect job where I’m challenged and can strike a balance, but I’m scared. Scared to fully trust in the workings of an almighty God, my father who absolutely cares for me? What I’m I thinking? The God who cares about what birds eat…Why can’t I pray and trust God for this miracle job, doesn’t he have plans to give me a hope and a future? I know I need to surrender, do my best, and believe. Easier said than done, Lord I need strength and wisdom to get through this time.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
March oh March
March has come and gone and I’m sure glad it has. A lot of mixed emotions this month, thinking about it, I’m just grateful I came out in one piece. Let me see, it started off with a take-home midterm exam…yes that says it all, it means stress. On the day we received the assignment, I was glad I had sometime to think it over because I didn’t want to have to do all that thinking at once. I sat on it for a couple days thinking I should do it bit by bit. This is all too wishful thinking for me, but I had a plan. I was looking over the syllabus and somehow misread the due dates for the exam, it was three days past and I only had the coming weekend to get it all down before Friday?
I did what I do best, panicked for an entire 3 minutes. 10 page paper due in 4 days on “stuff”. This was going to be my first paper in eh…7 years and I had 4 days!!! Ok, more like I panicked for a whole afternoon. I quickly dialed my emergency babysitter, a.k.a fiancée and let him know that I needed him the following Saturday to work some magic with lil man-all day. Luckily he does not mind.
I had an early Saturday; I convinced myself that driving to the library would be a waste of time so I planned to have a productive day on the dining table. Lil man was off and I was on.
The trouble with being at home is…many things are a distraction. I like to clean (unluckily). So I figured out I could clean the kitchen first and that would make concentrating easier. Ok, an hour later, I was staring at my comp. I had 5 questions out of 6 to answer. If I tackled 3 today (LOL) I would have 2 to do the next day and Monday to look everything over. Two hours later, I had researched the first two questions and had picked my final 5 questions to answer. This definitely was not going as planned. A quick look at the syllabus at the end of the day(being sidetracked) revealed that I had an extra week to submit this exam! What? After all that panicking….ok good ending to that story.
Class number 2 on Tuesday revealed that I had my midterm the day after my take-home was due, I totally don’t know how I overlooked all these dates. Note to self; calendars are a grand thing.
Ok, so beginning of March, I was being mom as usual (and with all its happy and challenging times) and I had two exams but that was not enough, I started feeling sick the weekend before all this. I thought it was a cold but I was so fatigued all I wanted to do was sleep. I managed to turn in my paper at 8 pm on the due date even though the deadline was midnight. Actually I had it done the Sunday night prior, a crisp 10 pages except I realized that I did not double-space!!! S*** what kind of student I’m I? No wonder I kept filling it with ‘fluff’….. So I had to edit it to half of what I had which is not as bad, I just took out the fluff and left the good stuff stay. At this point I didn’t care, I had an exam to study for the next day and I was feeling crappy. That Monday night, I was too congested, had a headache and went to bed early. My exam was at 3 in the afternoon, I just ignored work the next day and studied, I even considered calling the prof to see if I could take it the next day but decided taking cold meds to keep me awake was a better idea.
Fast forward, a few days later I was feeling even worse and realized I had a full blown sinus infection and had to be on antibiotics. Thank God for a boss=doctor. Mid-March is registration time for summer camp. God heard my prayer that day, the lines are usually long but for some reason, I was in and out that day. Life was looking pretty good.
I got to work ready to tackle all those projects I neglected while I studies. As soon as I sat on my desk, our receptionist dialed my extension sounding desperate; apparently my boss needed my help downstairs because our office manager was feeling sick. Now, our office manager needs a post all by herself, but she was prone to getting her blood sugar so low we would have to put an IV while she was in the office, chocolate bar for breakfast will do that to you.
So I quickly ran downstairs and found that Julie was vomiting and going in and out of consciousness with like 10 medical residents/doctors surrounding her… not doing much just staring. I could hear “code blue” on the hospital speaker system which is when I realized she needed to go to the ER ASAP. So I got to Julie who was being helped onto a wheelchair by my boss, grabbed her handbag and work documents and was to meet them back at the ER. That was the last day that I saw Julie as herself. The ever- vivacious, quirky, whacky for a manager-type of lady who never had a bad day. She usually cursed it away. She called me ‘hon’ and treated me more like her child. She had a funny saying for everything and it made me laugh. I mean who says “I gotta pee so bad my back teeth are hanging loose”? LOL. Most of them never made sense but were funny nonetheless. I survived this work place because of her.
Everything else went so fast, ER, CT scan, brain aneurysm, surgery-she showed signs of recovery for just but one day. We even joked about getting blue eye shadow, which was always her line, that if she had a stroke, we would put blue eye shadow on her just to annoy her. Then more surgeries but the bleed in her brain was too much for her, she died with her family surrounding her. On March 28, I was at the funeral of my manager dear friend. I keep re-playing that scene over and over, that trip to the ER, like I could have done something to prevent it. Then I started hating smokers, Julie had been a life-long smoker, a risk factor for her type of aneurysm. But eventually I’ve gone into some place between denial and acceptance-if there is such a place. I’m so glad I got to know Julie, and every time I think of her, I laugh at her funny sayings and stories. Most times it’s hard to believe she is gone. We are all moving on I guess. Life moves on. I’m glad I have the promise of a better life after death, because then I can be confident that even when I pass on, I will be in a better place.
Lil man had spring break vacation the day after the funeral and the dear Lord was kind enough to give us extraordinarily warm temperatures for which we enjoyed every bit of. 80 degrees in April is like Christmas in July, like a drop of water in the dessert….ok you get the picture. Perfect spring break! I even managed to finish undoing the extension braids on my head-a real pain in the neck-literally.
April, please be kind.
I did what I do best, panicked for an entire 3 minutes. 10 page paper due in 4 days on “stuff”. This was going to be my first paper in eh…7 years and I had 4 days!!! Ok, more like I panicked for a whole afternoon. I quickly dialed my emergency babysitter, a.k.a fiancée and let him know that I needed him the following Saturday to work some magic with lil man-all day. Luckily he does not mind.
I had an early Saturday; I convinced myself that driving to the library would be a waste of time so I planned to have a productive day on the dining table. Lil man was off and I was on.
The trouble with being at home is…many things are a distraction. I like to clean (unluckily). So I figured out I could clean the kitchen first and that would make concentrating easier. Ok, an hour later, I was staring at my comp. I had 5 questions out of 6 to answer. If I tackled 3 today (LOL) I would have 2 to do the next day and Monday to look everything over. Two hours later, I had researched the first two questions and had picked my final 5 questions to answer. This definitely was not going as planned. A quick look at the syllabus at the end of the day(being sidetracked) revealed that I had an extra week to submit this exam! What? After all that panicking….ok good ending to that story.
Class number 2 on Tuesday revealed that I had my midterm the day after my take-home was due, I totally don’t know how I overlooked all these dates. Note to self; calendars are a grand thing.
Ok, so beginning of March, I was being mom as usual (and with all its happy and challenging times) and I had two exams but that was not enough, I started feeling sick the weekend before all this. I thought it was a cold but I was so fatigued all I wanted to do was sleep. I managed to turn in my paper at 8 pm on the due date even though the deadline was midnight. Actually I had it done the Sunday night prior, a crisp 10 pages except I realized that I did not double-space!!! S*** what kind of student I’m I? No wonder I kept filling it with ‘fluff’….. So I had to edit it to half of what I had which is not as bad, I just took out the fluff and left the good stuff stay. At this point I didn’t care, I had an exam to study for the next day and I was feeling crappy. That Monday night, I was too congested, had a headache and went to bed early. My exam was at 3 in the afternoon, I just ignored work the next day and studied, I even considered calling the prof to see if I could take it the next day but decided taking cold meds to keep me awake was a better idea.
Fast forward, a few days later I was feeling even worse and realized I had a full blown sinus infection and had to be on antibiotics. Thank God for a boss=doctor. Mid-March is registration time for summer camp. God heard my prayer that day, the lines are usually long but for some reason, I was in and out that day. Life was looking pretty good.
I got to work ready to tackle all those projects I neglected while I studies. As soon as I sat on my desk, our receptionist dialed my extension sounding desperate; apparently my boss needed my help downstairs because our office manager was feeling sick. Now, our office manager needs a post all by herself, but she was prone to getting her blood sugar so low we would have to put an IV while she was in the office, chocolate bar for breakfast will do that to you.
So I quickly ran downstairs and found that Julie was vomiting and going in and out of consciousness with like 10 medical residents/doctors surrounding her… not doing much just staring. I could hear “code blue” on the hospital speaker system which is when I realized she needed to go to the ER ASAP. So I got to Julie who was being helped onto a wheelchair by my boss, grabbed her handbag and work documents and was to meet them back at the ER. That was the last day that I saw Julie as herself. The ever- vivacious, quirky, whacky for a manager-type of lady who never had a bad day. She usually cursed it away. She called me ‘hon’ and treated me more like her child. She had a funny saying for everything and it made me laugh. I mean who says “I gotta pee so bad my back teeth are hanging loose”? LOL. Most of them never made sense but were funny nonetheless. I survived this work place because of her.
Everything else went so fast, ER, CT scan, brain aneurysm, surgery-she showed signs of recovery for just but one day. We even joked about getting blue eye shadow, which was always her line, that if she had a stroke, we would put blue eye shadow on her just to annoy her. Then more surgeries but the bleed in her brain was too much for her, she died with her family surrounding her. On March 28, I was at the funeral of my manager dear friend. I keep re-playing that scene over and over, that trip to the ER, like I could have done something to prevent it. Then I started hating smokers, Julie had been a life-long smoker, a risk factor for her type of aneurysm. But eventually I’ve gone into some place between denial and acceptance-if there is such a place. I’m so glad I got to know Julie, and every time I think of her, I laugh at her funny sayings and stories. Most times it’s hard to believe she is gone. We are all moving on I guess. Life moves on. I’m glad I have the promise of a better life after death, because then I can be confident that even when I pass on, I will be in a better place.
Lil man had spring break vacation the day after the funeral and the dear Lord was kind enough to give us extraordinarily warm temperatures for which we enjoyed every bit of. 80 degrees in April is like Christmas in July, like a drop of water in the dessert….ok you get the picture. Perfect spring break! I even managed to finish undoing the extension braids on my head-a real pain in the neck-literally.
April, please be kind.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
I miss my mom
There are some things that don't change no matter how old we are. Some days like today I just want my mom...and on days like this when I'm having an incredibly hard day, I regret why I live so far from my family and I'm filled with immense sadness and helplessness. I really hate that I live so far away and its something that I think about on a daily basis. I don't think my life is much better just because I make more than I would make living at home. I struggle with whether the education and pursuit of the American dream is worth it after all not to mention enduring 5 months of bitter cold and lack of sunshine.
I called my family today, and somehow instead of making me feel better, I felt sad. I am missing all those chances of laughter and sharing. I'm always rushing, busy, lot of times lonely and feeling so heavily laden as a sole provider for myself and lil man.
Ok so I'm getting married and to a great man...but at this point this is a bit
stressful in itself...where are we going to live, when is the wedding, how big, how much...YIKES!!! Lots of endless questions...I don't have time or space in my brain. I need to file my taxes, fill out my FAFSA, complete my homework assignment, catch up with the pile of reading, sell some chocolates for lil man's school fundraiser, meet with his teacher...and that's why I need my mom, because she would hug me and let me know that it was all going to be ok and I would feel better.
She did let me know that it was not going to be like this forever and that I needed to trust that God knows what I'm going through and he can lighten this load. If I didn't believe in Jesus, I don't know where I would be right now. I know in the back of my head that he cares and is right here with me. Sure, it's not my mom but he has a special way of letting me know that it's going to be ok. So that's all I'm banking on now, the Lords promise to always be with me, strengthen me.
"Do not be anxious, about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guide your heart and your mind, in Christ Jesus." Phillipians 4:6
I called my family today, and somehow instead of making me feel better, I felt sad. I am missing all those chances of laughter and sharing. I'm always rushing, busy, lot of times lonely and feeling so heavily laden as a sole provider for myself and lil man.
Ok so I'm getting married and to a great man...but at this point this is a bit
stressful in itself...where are we going to live, when is the wedding, how big, how much...YIKES!!! Lots of endless questions...I don't have time or space in my brain. I need to file my taxes, fill out my FAFSA, complete my homework assignment, catch up with the pile of reading, sell some chocolates for lil man's school fundraiser, meet with his teacher...and that's why I need my mom, because she would hug me and let me know that it was all going to be ok and I would feel better.
She did let me know that it was not going to be like this forever and that I needed to trust that God knows what I'm going through and he can lighten this load. If I didn't believe in Jesus, I don't know where I would be right now. I know in the back of my head that he cares and is right here with me. Sure, it's not my mom but he has a special way of letting me know that it's going to be ok. So that's all I'm banking on now, the Lords promise to always be with me, strengthen me.
"Do not be anxious, about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guide your heart and your mind, in Christ Jesus." Phillipians 4:6
Monday, February 8, 2010
Wow, I have a blog...
Ok, so my life has been totally hectic and amidst my pile of paperwork I remembered this blog and how good it feels to write without being 'forced'. I have posts stored in my head that I have been wanting to put down and now that I started I'm afraid I might not stop...but I have to, because of a minor thing called a MIDTERM on Thursday!! First of all...don't know why they call it midterm because it's only been a few weeks and it's not midsemester but to help it make sense there is midterm 1 and 2.
Epidemiology is an interesting subject, I loove this class. Actually I love school and work is cramping my style right now. My boss seems to be yelling more than usual and I'm not liking it the least bit. I had a co-worker walk right out and quit a couple weeks ago and lately I've been dreaming about doing the same thing...yeah, stick it to them...but that is where it shall stay for now because I don't have a trust fund, I digress. Back to school,the place where fulfillment and stress meet, but I can live with that.
My baby boy a.k.a lil man has seen Mommy less because of the massive amounts of work I've had and crazy schedule. I never cease to amaze myself at how I always manage to overschedule myself. Typical characteristic acquired from my dad. I'm part of a group fundraising for microfinance projects in Kenya, I volunteered to give an overview of Africa as one of the few in my church this week, also thought it would be cool to teach a Kiswahili song to a couple people...mental note: meet with band and vocalists on Thursday night. I want to volunteer for another fabulous health project(meeting with director has been pending for a few weeks now), small group(church) meeting this Tuesday after study group meeting, sell those chocolates for lil man's school fundraiser, my friend just had a baby today and need to see her, need to return phone that I bought over the weekend...too much, my brain is barely functional. On top of all that, we are getting a winter storm that will make commuting a nightmare!!!!
I thought writing this post would make me feel better but it's only outlined how
scatter-brained I am right this minute and how many things need to be done. So I think I have to stop writing and do something else...yeah forgot about doing my taxes. Those need to be done ASAP so I can fill in my loans information....
If my family is reading this, pray for me. Lord, I need to feel some sanity in my life, give me wisdom to figure these things out.
Epidemiology is an interesting subject, I loove this class. Actually I love school and work is cramping my style right now. My boss seems to be yelling more than usual and I'm not liking it the least bit. I had a co-worker walk right out and quit a couple weeks ago and lately I've been dreaming about doing the same thing...yeah, stick it to them...but that is where it shall stay for now because I don't have a trust fund, I digress. Back to school,the place where fulfillment and stress meet, but I can live with that.
My baby boy a.k.a lil man has seen Mommy less because of the massive amounts of work I've had and crazy schedule. I never cease to amaze myself at how I always manage to overschedule myself. Typical characteristic acquired from my dad. I'm part of a group fundraising for microfinance projects in Kenya, I volunteered to give an overview of Africa as one of the few in my church this week, also thought it would be cool to teach a Kiswahili song to a couple people...mental note: meet with band and vocalists on Thursday night. I want to volunteer for another fabulous health project(meeting with director has been pending for a few weeks now), small group(church) meeting this Tuesday after study group meeting, sell those chocolates for lil man's school fundraiser, my friend just had a baby today and need to see her, need to return phone that I bought over the weekend...too much, my brain is barely functional. On top of all that, we are getting a winter storm that will make commuting a nightmare!!!!
I thought writing this post would make me feel better but it's only outlined how
scatter-brained I am right this minute and how many things need to be done. So I think I have to stop writing and do something else...yeah forgot about doing my taxes. Those need to be done ASAP so I can fill in my loans information....
If my family is reading this, pray for me. Lord, I need to feel some sanity in my life, give me wisdom to figure these things out.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
I turned 30....
I feel just about the same as I did yesterday.
I may have noticed a gray hair that wasn’t there
Probably a wrinkle making its way
But I keep on walking without a care
My confidence keeps them at bay
A new chapter of life started with a prayer
To be the best I could without delay
Spread some happiness, ease some despair
Forgive myself and others for all gone astray
For only then can peace be mine to declare
I embrace my life without dismay
Trust God for my future, faith and hope to share
With family and friends everyday
Those moments precious and rare
And the greatest of all, Love to always display
30s here I come!
I may have noticed a gray hair that wasn’t there
Probably a wrinkle making its way
But I keep on walking without a care
My confidence keeps them at bay
A new chapter of life started with a prayer
To be the best I could without delay
Spread some happiness, ease some despair
Forgive myself and others for all gone astray
For only then can peace be mine to declare
I embrace my life without dismay
Trust God for my future, faith and hope to share
With family and friends everyday
Those moments precious and rare
And the greatest of all, Love to always display
30s here I come!
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