The studying, the papers, the anxiety, the finals. All over-for now until I start over in August-But for now I can take the time to hopefully get some sun. It's Chicago, when the sun comes around, you better get it. I do feel like a huge burden has been lifted. But in many ways it just made space for other things that did not get any attention-summer plans, pending wedding, hunting for a new job...ugh. The never ending cycle of madness in this land of "milk and honey".
My source of renewed hope and energy is to remember that it's not about me, that there is someone greater than I am who is at work in me. I'm so grateful for the gift of salvation, because when I'm at my worst, I can still feel loved and accepted. Thank you Lord for reminding me to stop relying on myself for all the things that stress me. I'm thankful for the promise that he will always be there and I know this is true from experience.
It's Mother's day tomorrow and I'm so grateful for my mother so beautiful in and out. I'm grateful for the chance to be a mom to lil man and I pray for the wisdom and strength to help him be the best he can be. To many more years of being a mom and superwoman!
Showing posts with label confidence. Show all posts
Showing posts with label confidence. Show all posts
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
some audacity......
The phone rings, and the conversation goes, let's call him Mr X.
Mr. X: Lil man asked me if I was coming to his graduation party this Sunday, so of course I'm calling because I did not have any idea about it...so what is this about?
Silence.
Me: We'll, I don't know what to say, but a friend of mine thought it would be great to have a party for the graduating class and she's hosting it at her house.
Mr. X: We're you going to tell me about this? I have a gift for lil man I can drop it off at the party on Sunday.
Me: It's not really an open invitation, and certainly not a school function. I should probably have mentioned the get together but not at the top of my mind this week.
Mr. X: Lil man is getting caught up in a situation here. It's about what he wants not what you want. I don't see the problem here. You need to put aside your differences......bla bla bla lecture for 5 minutes. I'm I making sense?
Me(thinking and screaming in my head): SENSE! This conversation lacks sense from every angle.
Me(calm): I can put aside my differences for lil man. This is by no means a school function, just a couple friends getting together to celebrate their kids. We don't even do birthdays together so I'm not getting it. You can drop the gift off at my house but the party is off limits.
Bla bla lecture reminiscent of days I would like to forget goes on for 5 more minutes, threatening to show up at the party, I'm the unreasonable parent etc. This is the conversation I had this past weekend and one I will probably have for a good number of years to come. These types of days make me really really sad, deep down and they throw me back to those miserable times, falling into that dark abyss, but just for a minute or the minutes...and I'm upset that I didn't hang up earlier
Sigh.
I promised to stop asking the questions to which there will be no answers but they are still there. What in the world makes someone think that they can treat you like shit, make your life miserable, threaten, misuse, abuse, and then they have the audacity to pout that they don't get invited to YOUR party citing parental involvement? What nerve, what narcissim, what sickness, what madness?
There are days like these why I wonder why God let me go through this and I start to wish I could re-do my life. Then there are the wonderful moments when I reflect on how much I have gained from the terrible experience, and in no way else would I be the person I am now without having gone through this. Thank God that the audacity of hope and faith and love are much greater. A painful circumstance in our life has no power except that which we give it. Just like Jesus who was constantly bombarded with issues from men and women who had the audacity to discredit the son of God himself! When I'm overwhelmed by all the craziness in the world...or of that in my own little world, I'm comforted by Jesus' life and the fact that I have someone to go to who understands. Therein lies my audacity; in Christ alone.
Hebrews 13:6 So we say with confidence, the Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?"
Mr. X: Lil man asked me if I was coming to his graduation party this Sunday, so of course I'm calling because I did not have any idea about it...so what is this about?
Silence.
Me: We'll, I don't know what to say, but a friend of mine thought it would be great to have a party for the graduating class and she's hosting it at her house.
Mr. X: We're you going to tell me about this? I have a gift for lil man I can drop it off at the party on Sunday.
Me: It's not really an open invitation, and certainly not a school function. I should probably have mentioned the get together but not at the top of my mind this week.
Mr. X: Lil man is getting caught up in a situation here. It's about what he wants not what you want. I don't see the problem here. You need to put aside your differences......bla bla bla lecture for 5 minutes. I'm I making sense?
Me(thinking and screaming in my head): SENSE! This conversation lacks sense from every angle.
Me(calm): I can put aside my differences for lil man. This is by no means a school function, just a couple friends getting together to celebrate their kids. We don't even do birthdays together so I'm not getting it. You can drop the gift off at my house but the party is off limits.
Bla bla lecture reminiscent of days I would like to forget goes on for 5 more minutes, threatening to show up at the party, I'm the unreasonable parent etc. This is the conversation I had this past weekend and one I will probably have for a good number of years to come. These types of days make me really really sad, deep down and they throw me back to those miserable times, falling into that dark abyss, but just for a minute or the minutes...and I'm upset that I didn't hang up earlier
Sigh.
I promised to stop asking the questions to which there will be no answers but they are still there. What in the world makes someone think that they can treat you like shit, make your life miserable, threaten, misuse, abuse, and then they have the audacity to pout that they don't get invited to YOUR party citing parental involvement? What nerve, what narcissim, what sickness, what madness?
There are days like these why I wonder why God let me go through this and I start to wish I could re-do my life. Then there are the wonderful moments when I reflect on how much I have gained from the terrible experience, and in no way else would I be the person I am now without having gone through this. Thank God that the audacity of hope and faith and love are much greater. A painful circumstance in our life has no power except that which we give it. Just like Jesus who was constantly bombarded with issues from men and women who had the audacity to discredit the son of God himself! When I'm overwhelmed by all the craziness in the world...or of that in my own little world, I'm comforted by Jesus' life and the fact that I have someone to go to who understands. Therein lies my audacity; in Christ alone.
Hebrews 13:6 So we say with confidence, the Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?"
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