some audacity......

The phone rings, and the conversation goes, let's call him Mr X.

Mr. X: Lil man asked me if I was coming to his graduation party this Sunday, so of course I'm calling because I did not have any idea about it...so what is this about?

Silence.

Me: We'll, I don't know what to say, but a friend of mine thought it would be great to have a party for the graduating class and she's hosting it at her house.

Mr. X: We're you going to tell me about this? I have a gift for lil man I can drop it off at the party on Sunday.

Me: It's not really an open invitation, and certainly not a school function. I should probably have mentioned the get together but not at the top of my mind this week.

Mr. X: Lil man is getting caught up in a situation here. It's about what he wants not what you want. I don't see the problem here. You need to put aside your differences......bla bla bla lecture for 5 minutes. I'm I making sense?

Me(thinking and screaming in my head): SENSE! This conversation lacks sense from every angle.

Me(calm): I can put aside my differences for lil man. This is by no means a school function, just a couple friends getting together to celebrate their kids. We don't even do birthdays together so I'm not getting it. You can drop the gift off at my house but the party is off limits.

Bla bla lecture reminiscent of days I would like to forget goes on for 5 more minutes, threatening to show up at the party, I'm the unreasonable parent etc. This is the conversation I had this past weekend and one I will probably have for a good number of years to come. These types of days make me really really sad, deep down and they throw me back to those miserable times, falling into that dark abyss, but just for a minute or the minutes...and I'm upset that I didn't hang up earlier

Sigh.

I promised to stop asking the questions to which there will be no answers but they are still there. What in the world makes someone think that they can treat you like shit, make your life miserable, threaten, misuse, abuse, and then they have the audacity to pout that they don't get invited to YOUR party citing parental involvement? What nerve, what narcissim, what sickness, what madness?

There are days like these why I wonder why God let me go through this and I start to wish I could re-do my life. Then there are the wonderful moments when I reflect on how much I have gained from the terrible experience, and in no way else would I be the person I am now without having gone through this. Thank God that the audacity of hope and faith and love are much greater. A painful circumstance in our life has no power except that which we give it. Just like Jesus who was constantly bombarded with issues from men and women who had the audacity to discredit the son of God himself! When I'm overwhelmed by all the craziness in the world...or of that in my own little world, I'm comforted by Jesus' life and the fact that I have someone to go to who understands. Therein lies my audacity; in Christ alone.

Hebrews 13:6 So we say with confidence, the Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?"