dear fourth grade, be nice

On the fourth day of school, I asked my lil man how things were going.  I was expecting some positives seeing as we have a nice teacher, no homework. “School is not fulfilling anymore…” Hmm, that caught me off-guard wondering whether to first clarify the meaning of ‘fulfilling’ or ask why it wasn’t.  “They just keep coming up with rules. First It was the STAR position, now we have to tuck in our shirts including gym shirts….”. The STAR position is some acronym for sitting upright and tracking the teacher and I clearly don’t remember what it stands for. My son demonstrated it with shoulders held unnaturally high and straight neck; I could see why he wasn’t surviving the day. I asked him to relax his shoulders a bit.  I agree, it is becoming a bit ‘military’, I mean untucked shirt has nothing to do with learning eh? He’s lucky he wasn’t around when I was growing up-, unpolished shoes (yikes), slightly unkempt nails, hair that was not in place, uniform that wasn’t pressed crisp among a myriad of other unrelated issues could earn you a proper punishment.  We all thought it was part of school life. I don’t know how much good that did, I hate ironing, don’t ever polish my shoes, the only school approved hair style in my day(cornrows) puts me in anxiety,  I do my nails real nice though.

How do you keep a fourth-grade boy motivated?  This morning, he was excited that he had Gym and since it had rained all night, the default outdoor activity would be kickball due to a flooded playground. “I’m glad it rained because I have my good shoes on for kickball”. See, on a regular day when there is no Gym and it rains, his dress-up shoes are not conducive to a good kickball session. My son lives for recess. It’s a phase right? I mean he gets good grades; I guess that is more than I can ask for. 

When asked what in math he finds difficult, he said “nothing” (initially) and that he doesn’t really know what he hopes to learn this year. After mini-session on ‘we all have things we could polish up on’, the answer changed to fractions, but he was adamant that he didn’t find any math difficult, just did not find anything fun about it. I beg to differ remembering countless homework wrangles that we had last year-undermining my traditional learning methods, counting beans and what not over some new era rounding off methods. If this boy did not learn any more math moving forward he would be ok with life. I guess that is why I’m the parent and he is the kid. I don’t remember having ideas about school or otherwise but I was scared cold of becoming a farm hand-because that’s what you became around my parts if school came in one ear and out the other.  There were no options to school and doing well in school. You knew better than answer that recess is your favorite part of the day, there was a right answer to that question, no need putting your opinion or dreams in the path of your future.  So I’m trying to be a parent of the future without veering too far off the more trodden path, balancing opinions and necessity. Lord help me.

the years happenings so far

I have neglected this blog, the busyness of life this winter has been a bit much, but I think of stuff I need to write daily. A lot is happening:

My lil man got his eye glasses yesterday, I can't believe it! He does not reeeally need them but he is a bit shortsighted..sigh. Apparently it's because children spend more time indoors and read more at an early age so...I'm thinking we might spend all summer in the wild just to correct that nearsightedness. $85 for the pair and I hope I do not go home to hear that they are missing broken. I spotted him putting them in his pocket yesterday and cautioned him that it's the best way to have broken glasses. On the flip side, I made sure to buy warranty.
This kid is soo grown. It sometimes breaks my heart but then again, this is the process of life. I signed him up for cooking class after school and he has been teaching me how to hold a knife. He really wanted to cut the onion last night, yikes! I wanted him to appreciate food and cooking health but he's taken it to the next level. Of course he does not stop with the funnies: "why does your hair start so far off your forehead, why can't it start closer"...referring to my big forehead- kids have guts! Yesterday he noticed he had lines under his eyes and wanted me to help him "remove" them. I asked him to wash his face and lotion up after which he was mad because his "lines" were still there. I asked him to drink more water.

School is school, what can I say...I am learning a lot, and sometimes it makes me mad, because I learn how oppressive the 'system' can be. I have been working in a marginalized community and I can't believe the level of poverty, desperation, neglect and hopelessness. Sometimes it's too much. I have made some friends there and I hope to work in garden there over the summer. The people I have met have been so warm. How come poor people tend to be warm, they have a lot more to complain about. It's hard to find well-to do folks who are so warm.

My relationship..I don't know, but I know that relationships are hardwork and that whoever said men are from Mars and women from Venus was right! I'm too grown for compromise but then again a health relationship requires that.

The weather is getting better, thank God, because winter believe it or not, and 10 years of it later, is STILL not my thing.

I'm still mad that I live so far from my family, and that life is so isolated over here. Maybe I need to get over it but it bugs me and I'm praying that God changes some things around so I'm able to move back close to my family. I believe it's going to happen, SOMEHOW!

God is still being God. I have a closer relationship with him now that I did at the beginning of the year. I'm reminded that life does not make sense without God and I continue to seek him, actually I'm learning to surrender....all. I have had to readjust my life, get rid of some friendships, make time for healthy ones, put my career in his hands, I know he has a great plan. I'm praying for faith and trust to take big leaps to the place he has for me. I know that where I'm now is just temporary but I'm learning a few lessons that will help me ahead. I think that is what God does.

Of lil men and necklaces

Let’s talk about the “most awesome necklace” that was ever made. It started with a piece of yarn sometime the first week of school. Then several beads later, a knot and voila! The yarn is green and the beads are multicolored. It hangs just perfectly on the chest and magically goes with just about every outfit. It looks cool and makes an identity statement. This necklace has not left my son’s neck for the past month! I’m talking about not even at shower time. I gave up after initial protests that yarn dries very quickly, which it does- so there was no argument. I also sought of have an attachment to this necklace, because I made someone reach in high places literally for this necklace. The story goes..we were at the grocery store happily shopping in the fruit section. Or I should rephrase that I was happily shopping away while lil man was keeping himself busy with the necklace that he had made at school the day before. We don’t do too many crafts so he was particularly attached to this piece of work. He was tossing the necklace up and catching it-which is apparently what 7 year-olds do with just about everything..clothes, cups, your favorite mug, the remote which now has tape on it…. But I digress. I had bumped into a parent from his class and was chatting away when he tugged at me saying that his necklace was stuck.

He pointed up and sure enough, way up high-we are talking grocery store ceilings high-dangled a green piece of yarn with some beads on it. My response was that we can make another one if it didn’t fall down soon. This necklace does not have any metal anything so the fact that it was attached to the ceiling was puzzling. I venture to guess that it was probably hanging onto some spider webs or a spider itself. Needless to say that necklace was just dangling and had no intentions of getting back down.
My lil man looked at me “I worked really hard on that necklace..” with that mommy-do-something look. I headed to the customer service desk and let them know I had an unusual request, we had a necklace stuck on the ceiling above the bananas-I mean that’s pretty common right? I tried to explain that it was my son’s necklace, not sure if that made it better or worse because if it was mine, I would look crazy but then it would be worth the effort, but again a boy necklace?…well you get my drift. The look on the customer service rep let me know that it was probably not the craziest request she had had. She just called in for someone with a ladder to show up at the counter. This guy was gracious, we just pointed him in the right direction and right over the bananas he rescued our dear necklace.

I am happy that lil man has been wearing the necklace after that daring rescue but I think it has run its course. Now I can see that the beads have been chewed on so they are not as smooth and it’s just plain beginning to concern me that he may NEVER take this thing off. I have offered to replace the yarn or beads but he is fine with his creation as is. Oh what’s a mother to do? Buy him a replacement? Bribe him with a toy? Maybe I’ll just let him be. He is getting his fall pictures taken at school, and he has no intentions of taking it off. I think it will make for good conversation when he is 17 about the time he had a yarn necklace..that is if he is not planning on keeping it that long! I have to think about the consequences should anything happen to this dear necklace, gosh he might need mommy therapy to cope! Let’s just hope it makes a gracious, unremarkable exit off his neck and into the memorabilia box. Long live the necklace-until Christmas at most!

ants are blind

Yesterday was monumental. Two weeks ago, Lil man had asked what a coconut looked like to my horror. Being the great and amazing parent I am, we went to the store and bought a coconut. I explained to him that we can't just cut into it,we would wait to go 'drop' it in our backyard since it's wonderfully created as concrete.

Yesterday was that day, I let him do the honors and it went very well, the coconut broke in half. I managed to grab it before all the water spilled. Lil man was very surprised that it was water and not 'milk' because he had been looking forward to tasting coconut milk. I use coconut milk quite often(from the can)in my cooking but I don't know where he got the idea that the one in the coconut would taste like cow milk.

He tasted the coconut water-that was ok. I explained that the milk comes from squeezing the white part of the coconut. I demonstrated by crushing some in my mouth and spitting it out-gross I know. He tried to eat some of it but he kept spitting it out, finally he begged me to 'squeeze' some in my mouth so that he could taste it-I didn't do it, that will be the work of my handy garlic crusher yet to be accomplished.

A couple hours later we came back to the backyard and each of the little pieces of coconut we had thrown around was surrounded by an army of ants.
So lil man in his wisdom " Why are the ants eating these pieces, they have my spit on them, can't they see the spit...man, ants are blind!"

God can do anything

I've been doing this thing where I pull a bible verse and have my son memorize it for the week. It was going to be one per week but it became too easy. Initially, I was going to set up a prize box but it never happened so when lil man recited the two verses, I offered that he could pick dinner that night. This is huge since he is so darn picky and for the most nights he doesn't approve of my healthy options.

Of course I was prepared that it was going to be something unhealthy. So he sheepishly announced that he wanted the Jewel honey wings.They are fried yes and definitely the best wings you can buy so I wasn't too sad.
We hopped on over to Jewel, got our pound of wings and we had to drive somewhere else before we got home. Fried wings in a car at 6pm..even if you were not hungry you have to dig in so as I was driving my lil man was busy munching away at the wings.
So after attacking a couple of wings, he stated as a matter-of-fact.."You know what they say....you can't finish wings all by yourself!"
LOL. So I'm always using some quote or the other on my lil man so it's good he's getting the gist of it but lol, I think he is confused on whom 'they' are.

I asked him who 'they' are and he just repeated his quote, and then thought about it some and blurted.."But only God can finish wings by himself, because he is God, he can gobble all of them up!"

At least we know that the lesson "God can do anything" is well understood, I can live with that.

Kids do listen...and obey

This morning went pretty smoothly considering we were dragging when we woke up. It's over 80 degrees so the school encouraged the students to bring a bottle of water, which we have been doing anyway. They also stressed that no juices or sodas are allowed, strictly water.
So I 'fixed' lil man's bottle and on our way to school I let him know that I added ice in his water so it would stay cool longer. His response? "Mom, I don't think we are allowed to have ice in school." My poor child, the school had apparently done a great job of scaring the students into bringing nothing other than water....
"Honey, I don't think the school will mind if you bring ice to school, after all ice is the same thing as water." They just learned about matter so I reminded him.
Lil Man:"Oh yeah, I forgot,then it should be ok".

All's well.

cooking gene?

I made chapati's today. There is no better cure for homesickness than making your all time favorite meal growing up. Many people complain that it is a tedious task but for some reason, I think it's a pretty snappy job, once I figured out how to make the perfect dough that is.
Today I had my superhelper aka lil man. He loves to help with the cooking and I love to have him help me-only that the clean-up takes as much time as it does to cook!! Today was no exception and I figured out you are only a kid once so I let him play with the wheat flour, corn flour, pour water here, stir, blow, and touch everything he shouldn't be. So by the end of it, the two of us and everything around us was looking 'heavenly'.
I was explaining to lil man how it's nice that he gets to help me roll the chapatis because he can learn how to cook-letting him know that my brother is a great cook.
Of course he had a smart reply, " I'm already a good cooker", LOL, ok corrected the 'cooker' part then asked him why he thinks he is already good. He proceeded to explain that he is already good because he inherited 'cooking' from my brother, just like he inherited his drawing skills from grandpa.
Ok, my bad, maybe I didn't explain the whole passing down genes very well but I can see he picked up something. I'm just not sure my brother's culinary skills bothered to criss cross all the way down the lineage to my son but only time will tell.

PS. The Chapatis were great even with all the over-rolling and prodding of dough that lil man does, so he may be onto something here.

kids really do say the darnest things...

School is really kicking me in the behind this semester but I'm sure I will triumph. Too bad I've missed on writing about all the funny comments from lil man...but this one...couldn't let this one go.
Yesterday evening, our trip to Targee turned out to be more than we had bargained for. I had a couple very specific things that I needed to purchase, BUT as it almost always turns out, my hands were full by the time I got to the counter. Get this, I specifically did not get a cart or a basket for this very reason but as we were getting out of the store both lil man's hands and I were sore from lugging all the items we had picked. So my lil helper and I paid, got them in bags and as we were walking from the store, he comments "My arms are so tired, I feel like they are going to fall off!"
"Me too honey, " I replied "but just hang in there the car is not far."

As we walk out the door trying to hurry to the car, lil man asks in a matter-of-fact voice "If my arms fall off, I'm I going to grow some new ones?"
First I did what I always do, laugh out loudly (inwardly of course), looked at him and just smiled because I could see he was serious. I know they have been learning about reptiles and he has a fascination with lizards and what nots..you get my drift.

"No honey, only lizards and other such reptiles grow parts when they loose them."
"Oh yeah, I knew that," came the reply.

I've caught myself laughing so hard the couple times I have thought about this. Kids...my lil man.

big words, lil man

I think every working mom knows that if you get your kid out the door in one piece and one time, it's going to be a good day. So today I was up early, made some cheese eggs, we had some leftover breakfast sausage which I warmed up. My picky eater decided that the eggs did not have enough cheese so he got some toast. My lil man nowadays seems filled with doses of wisdom. I asked him if he wanted jam or butter on his toast. He responded by stating that it is not 'jam', it's 'jelly'. "Jam is extinct, mommy, don't know, we are in the future". LOL. Apparently I'm so old I don't realize that we don't use that word anymore according to a first grader?!
Ok so got the jelly and butter, put the not so cheesy cheese eggs on his toast, he took one bite which he happily ate but as he examined the bread for his next bite, he saw what he says is a nut in the bread. That was the end of the toast and eggs. It's whole wheat bread!! I used the same bread to make a cheese sandwich which he happily ate yesterday but noo...not today. I know my lil man, I could sit there and scream for two hours and he would take the full two hours to finish one bite of that bread.
So onto the sausage. He took one look at it, "hmmm, this looks awfully familiar mommy, did you save the sausage from yesterday?" Seriously! Anyway he ate some of the sausage, some juice and he was full.
He had a presentation on dinosaurs which he worked on over the weekend. Huge poster, would not have been my choice but his dad decided to go all out. Ok, got the poster, we are walking to the car and lil man blurts, "Man, first grade is on another level!" I'm like what did you say "First grade is on another level now mommy, they make us do presentations for 3rd and 5th grade!" LOL. I had even forgotten about the dinosaur project, that must be where he picked up the 'extinct for jam'. I guess if we learn words we gotta use them somehow.
I laughed all of the 6 minute drive to school. We made it to school on time, it's going to be a good day!

That 'stuff' on his head....

So my Lil Man, does not like taking a bath....initially, because once he gets in, you know the story, he does not want to get out!! So this past Tue was no exception. He fought and gave excuses like he has not touched any dirt, he is too tired to take a bath. Of course I was not having it.

Once in the tub as usual, he decides he likes taking a bath but a Charlie Brown Christmas show that was coming on saved the bath toys. Yesterday was really cold and our place takes forever to warm up so I washed him washed his hair, pulled the stopper. By now he was acclimated to the bath idea and was still in the tub waiting for all the water to go down. I grabbed a dry face cloth and asked him to dry his hair quickly so he does not get cold. So his response.."No it's ok mommmy, I don't want to dry my hair." (I expected that, 6 year olds always want to do the opposite of what you tell them)
Me: But you will be really cold if you don't."
"No I won't, because hair has fur on it that protects it from being cold!"

Say What?!

My son has fur on his hair. I love how 6 yr olds think. I guess it makes some sense. Why should your head feel cold if it has a layer of hair/fur on it?

I was going to explain the whole evaporation/cold/heat business but I was too busy laughing. I love me some Lil Man humor.

How much Lysol do we need?

I have a personal opinion regarding the H1N1 which I will not share. I sure hope this thing goes away as fast as it came or at least we figure out why it's infecting some people so severely.

My Lil man has his own opinions too. Obviously they have been hearing about this at school and home. I wash my hands enough times during the day and he knows the routine now, wash hands as often as possible. Sometimes when he wants to make me happy he will wash his hands and let me know that he did. This is a huge improvement from his previous behaviour. He once came up with a clever way of not washing his hands after peeing....use a piece of toilet paper to hold his peepee/weanie so no touch, no reason to wash hands, just as if he never peed at all. LOL. It was ingenious and a mighty grand scheme but no points were gained. I think he still does it in my absence...but I digress. The important thing is he knows that hand washing is important and H1N1 is serious.

So this evening, I was writing some words on his dry erase board when he stopped and seriously stated that we needed some lysol wipes. I asked him why. Guess what the reply was.."Because I do not want to get H1N1 from the BOARD and lysol kills H1N1".

ME: I don't think the board would give you H1N1 unless one of us gave it to the board.
LIL MAN: Yes it would, it can get H1N1 from the air or something and we need to wipe it so we don't get it from the board.
*BLINK* If his opinion is right, we have the flu virus hanging out in our house waiting to infect anything, even the blackboard. We may need a lot of lysol by lil man's reckoning.

I think I will stick to a great diet and Vitamin C on this issue... lysol wiping may not be such a bad idea either. The things that six year olds say. I will miss this age.

starches of our life

My lil man, all of six years old has issues with food. Yesterday I had to make a starch and being the great and understanding mom, I gave him a choice, rice or ugali. Kids like rice, it’s plain and looks interesting, well most kids except this one. He was almost throwing a fit when I mentioned it. Now I have known this for a while but I asked him yesterday why he doesn’t like rice. The reply “It’s too small and it gets stuck I my teeth”. LOL and ugali, that is a given, he doesn’t like it because it’s Kenyan…even though he eats it when I make it. He likes ugali but will never admit it and good for him because I will never stop making it.

In the spirit of this food exchange, I asked him what he likes to eat and he asked if I could make porridge, he loves porridge. You know that gooey thick mix of amaranthus, millet, oats, rye, maize…yes that one. He doesn’t yet know what’s in it but that’s good for everyone because it’s probably healthier than all those starches combined. I didn’t make porridge for dinner, but I promised to make it for breakfast.

I still lost on the dinner issue since he remembered some left over spaghetti with sausage from the day before and happily ate away. That is all I could ask for, I suppose, my six year old happily eating away. We did make porridge this morning, a good hearty bowl. Now I know why he likes it so much, he gets to put a lot of sugar in it (like I do). I guess you win some you lose some, it’s a great morning!

Six is for Smart

We were driving from Target yesterday and my lil man kept whining about something being "badder and badder". We were both hungry and I knew we needed to get home and eat soon which would be the only way to squash the whine. I finally spoke and said " Honey, there is no such word as "badder" usually we say "worse" if something is getting "more bad". Didn't know how else to explain it. I wasn't prepared for this " Mommy you are not accepting that I speak different. I say badder and you need to accept the difference". Whaaaat! I just started laughing and he went on "Stop laughing Mommy, you need to be nice when people do things different and I speak different, I say badder". LOL. I wasn't gonna win this battle, but he got 10 points for standing up for himself. We'll tackle the english grammar at a later date. That made my day just thinking about it. That smart 6 yr old!

some audacity......

The phone rings, and the conversation goes, let's call him Mr X.

Mr. X: Lil man asked me if I was coming to his graduation party this Sunday, so of course I'm calling because I did not have any idea about it...so what is this about?

Silence.

Me: We'll, I don't know what to say, but a friend of mine thought it would be great to have a party for the graduating class and she's hosting it at her house.

Mr. X: We're you going to tell me about this? I have a gift for lil man I can drop it off at the party on Sunday.

Me: It's not really an open invitation, and certainly not a school function. I should probably have mentioned the get together but not at the top of my mind this week.

Mr. X: Lil man is getting caught up in a situation here. It's about what he wants not what you want. I don't see the problem here. You need to put aside your differences......bla bla bla lecture for 5 minutes. I'm I making sense?

Me(thinking and screaming in my head): SENSE! This conversation lacks sense from every angle.

Me(calm): I can put aside my differences for lil man. This is by no means a school function, just a couple friends getting together to celebrate their kids. We don't even do birthdays together so I'm not getting it. You can drop the gift off at my house but the party is off limits.

Bla bla lecture reminiscent of days I would like to forget goes on for 5 more minutes, threatening to show up at the party, I'm the unreasonable parent etc. This is the conversation I had this past weekend and one I will probably have for a good number of years to come. These types of days make me really really sad, deep down and they throw me back to those miserable times, falling into that dark abyss, but just for a minute or the minutes...and I'm upset that I didn't hang up earlier

Sigh.

I promised to stop asking the questions to which there will be no answers but they are still there. What in the world makes someone think that they can treat you like shit, make your life miserable, threaten, misuse, abuse, and then they have the audacity to pout that they don't get invited to YOUR party citing parental involvement? What nerve, what narcissim, what sickness, what madness?

There are days like these why I wonder why God let me go through this and I start to wish I could re-do my life. Then there are the wonderful moments when I reflect on how much I have gained from the terrible experience, and in no way else would I be the person I am now without having gone through this. Thank God that the audacity of hope and faith and love are much greater. A painful circumstance in our life has no power except that which we give it. Just like Jesus who was constantly bombarded with issues from men and women who had the audacity to discredit the son of God himself! When I'm overwhelmed by all the craziness in the world...or of that in my own little world, I'm comforted by Jesus' life and the fact that I have someone to go to who understands. Therein lies my audacity; in Christ alone.

Hebrews 13:6 So we say with confidence, the Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?"

Replay

The event usually develops as I throw the ball to my son and it probably hits the fence and does a 'cool' bounce. My son will then proceed to reenact what he the ball did totally like a replay. This has been going on for a couple months or at least the past year..time flies. When something good or cool happens, he wants it to repeat. Sometime its fun since it makes it predictable what he wants to do...like he loves it when sit on the stairs outside on a nice day and eat icecream or as I 'make him laugh'.... but other times it like 'ok already!' as he reenacts how the ball moved and bounced for the 10th time!

This just has to make you love kids. So for the past couple of months when its warm outside we come home and quickly change, then go outside and kick the ball to each other until we are tired or hungry. Most of the times we come up with something cool to do with a ball that we hadn't done before or to change things up we use different balls. I love it.

Aren't we all like kids, wishing the good things would keep repeating themselves? As I've been going through my twenties, those good things seem few and far in between. I sometimes sit and think of all the good things and I'm content but sometimes I wish opportunities that I ignored would reappear and thus my replay is skewed from that which my son enjoys because half the time is spent in regret of things I did or didn't do and wish I could change.

What if I didn't move from NYC, what if I didn't get married, what if I had really applied to Med school, what if I had moved to TX for school? I'm really trying to get better at my replay so I'm not consumed with what ifs, woulda coulda shoulda. Because I probably wouldn't have the friends I have here, the peace of mind...lets face it NYC was expensive, the career, the boyfriend. I'm praying for God to help me appreciate all the good things that have happened in my life and move on from here. I have so much potential and so much I would like to accomplish and more importantly be rooted in that God has a plan for my life and I'm not just sailing in the wind.
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans that I have for you, declares the Lord, Plans to prosper and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.

Mothers Day

We were playing catch today and my son randomly told me that I was the best Mom that he has ever had... He went on to say that I make him laugh and he likes that. I wanted to cry because that was soo sweet. I forgot about all the hard mom days today, what a gift it is to be a mother. I'm so blessed!