my truth

The journey toward our beauty is a magnificent struggle. Achieving an integrity between what we believe and how we live is a challenge worthy of the gift of life. A thousand obstacles stand between our selves and the honoring of our truth. A thousand distractions. A thousand ego-generated delusions. The quality of our life depends on how we confront those obstacles. That is what Joseph Campbell described as the hero's journey -- the journey towards our greater self. That journey takes so much courage. That journey fascinates me. To dive down, find the beauty, nurture it and offer it to the world is magnificent. The more unique what you have to offer is, the more indifferent the world is likely to be for a long, long time. Staying with your beauty, your truth, your integrity is difficult, but out of these things comes meaning, and meaning is all-transcendent.
– Rod MacIver, HERON DANCE Journal
Notes, Issue 19

I'm pondering the thoughts above, because in the past years and at present I have had to examine what I really believe in and balance it with how I really live. I'm disappointed sometimes at how hard it is to find this balance. That I believe strongly in a lot of things that I don't execute or don't execute to the degree that I consider necessary. I really want my actions to match my faith. And why is it so difficult to do what I really want to do? I think Paul in the Bible had the same dilemma. My dilemma is that I'm still weeding out trying to differentiate and redefine my truth, not according to my family or my religious upbringing but coming from a place where I understand who I am, why I do what I do and embracing that with pure clarity to free my movement forward.

I do hate drama

They say that hate is the emotion you have when you have some form of attachment to the other person. They say that indifference is simply not caring. Well, I really don’t care for this person and at the same time I feel so much hatred towards them. It is just so hard to move on sometimes when your lives are so intertwined and every now and then, I quiver at the thought of putting up with this for years to come. They just never stop with the bullshit. It’s actually possible for a person to brew madness, hop around it, drink it and attempt to share it. You think every now and then, they get tired but NOOO! I guess if they don’t know they are drinking and spewing poison that is ruining them, they cannot stop. In fact they think they are brewing quite the nice concoction so they attempt to convince you that you are the one who is indeed mad…WHAAT!! I don’t think I ever quite got the real meaning of wolf dressed in sheep’s clothing up until this point. This is not even a wolf, more like a menacing lion that hasn’t been fed in a while trying to act like sheep. It shows but yet they continue to parade around like one who wants to be a friend….even a lover…I shriek at this thought ,I would even tear my clothes and put on some ashes never to be. This is my world some days. The madness that doesn’t have to be yet it is there. Why can’t we all just live in peace, love and TRUTH?