some niceness..

I met a nice person yesterday, for lack of a better description. I just haven’t ran into a complete stranger who responded like this person did. Scene: the bathroom. My son had bumped into another kid at the birthday party and was bleeding from digging his tooth on his lip. He was in shock because he could see all the blood coming out and he kept spitting saliva and blood. So I was trying to be comforting in the bathroom, ignoring other users and trying to clean up my son’s mouth making sure he did not have a more serious injury. This lady, while washing her hands, noted my predicament and offered to get some ice if I needed it. A minute later she was back with a cup of ice and she had asked the restaurant staff for a waterproof cloth so I could put the ice in it. I was happy that someone had been so thoughtful and it helped ease my son’s pain and bleeding. She actually stood with me for the next 5 or so minutes in the bathroom, getting tissues and waiting for the bleeding to subside. She was so helpful and so good at reassuring my son that he would be ok. After my son was feeling better she introduced herself and happened to be one of the host’s friends. I had seen her earlier but she was sited at a different table, she also asked if we would join them since they now had more space at their table. If you have been to one of these parties, you know they can be pretty hectic, loud and full of hyperactive kids.
What I thought would be just another birthday party for my son to enjoy turned out to be quite the enjoyable evening for all where I met some pretty cool people. The lady at the bathroom; she works with kids, counseling, what a fitting career! Even more, the group I met attends a church that I have been contemplating visiting and now I will.

my truth

The journey toward our beauty is a magnificent struggle. Achieving an integrity between what we believe and how we live is a challenge worthy of the gift of life. A thousand obstacles stand between our selves and the honoring of our truth. A thousand distractions. A thousand ego-generated delusions. The quality of our life depends on how we confront those obstacles. That is what Joseph Campbell described as the hero's journey -- the journey towards our greater self. That journey takes so much courage. That journey fascinates me. To dive down, find the beauty, nurture it and offer it to the world is magnificent. The more unique what you have to offer is, the more indifferent the world is likely to be for a long, long time. Staying with your beauty, your truth, your integrity is difficult, but out of these things comes meaning, and meaning is all-transcendent.
– Rod MacIver, HERON DANCE Journal
Notes, Issue 19

I'm pondering the thoughts above, because in the past years and at present I have had to examine what I really believe in and balance it with how I really live. I'm disappointed sometimes at how hard it is to find this balance. That I believe strongly in a lot of things that I don't execute or don't execute to the degree that I consider necessary. I really want my actions to match my faith. And why is it so difficult to do what I really want to do? I think Paul in the Bible had the same dilemma. My dilemma is that I'm still weeding out trying to differentiate and redefine my truth, not according to my family or my religious upbringing but coming from a place where I understand who I am, why I do what I do and embracing that with pure clarity to free my movement forward.

some bs is going on

How can one day start so filled with love and crash with a midday email so reminiscent of hate? Why do both good and bad have to coexist? The hell with balance and all the nature laws. Someone is trying to fuck with me and fuck with my future and I'm pissed!I have tried to be patient, no as a matter of fact I have been very patient. I thought I had already won the battle but in a manner that can just be described as plain malicious, they are always trying to find a way to get to me and if that wasn't enough play it off like they are a friend and (drum roll)...fellow christian!! I have had enough of this BS. I just needed to vent. Thats all. I think I'm going to be ok.

I feel loved

A thousand words could never express
this feeling
this comfort
this assurance

You have changed my world in excess
of my imagination
my expectations
my dreams

I cherish the friendship we possess
that nurtures
that’s honest
that’s real

So I’m writing to confess
my love
my happiness
my contentment

when I’m with you and even
when you’re not near

I feel absolutely loved

Smell the roses

While I have been on hiatus from the blog, I have taken it upon myself to enjoy my surroundings. I don’t think I can say enough of how gorgeous the windy city is in the summer time. I have lived in the Chi for almost 4 years and just this summer I was taken by how beautiful the lakefront is, how much there is to do, I have attended countless amazing performances most of them free. Talk about not taking time to smell the roses, where have I been for 3 years? Just thinking about it makes me shiver, that a person can exist yet not be present. Wow. All of this was here before, yet I feel like I’m experiencing it for the first time. I was so preoccupied with the craziness of my life that it clouded my vision in more ways than one.

Please take the time to smell the roses today. Leave the crazy in your life to be just that and celebrate the beauty in your life.

I'm back

I could try and put in words what I’m feeling right now, but I doubt any would work. My mom always said that a change is as good as a rest. She was right. Even though I took a mini vacation after quitting my previous position, nothing compares to the satisfaction I get from being at my current one.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s busy, very busy. I just swallow my lunch most days. There is always stuff to do, meetings to go to, fires to put out. I feel important here, like I’m given the opportunity to use my brain, figure stuff out. It’s been scary but it’s also pushed me to the next level, where I doubted my abilities, I’ve been able to prove myself wrong and just as importantly, I am improving on areas where I suck. I’m glad my boss feels like they can rely on me. In the past just 3 weeks I’ve conducted meetings, updated clients on projects, done presentations for clients, I was given the liberty to design a newsletter.. I am loving this! All my fears about it being rigid and the commute and new co-workers and..all past tense. It’s amazing how we can push ourselves in a corner. I’m glad I didn’t stay there.
Ok, so it’s just not my job that is making me happy. I feel like my life finally took off from a year of fear and unknown to greatness. A lot of good things have happened this summer. I sometimes have to pinch myself just to make sure that I’m not dreaming. My family was struggling to finish up a project and they finally did. My lil man is so grown up, he cracks me up everyday. I’m surrounded by such loving people. The weather has been great. Can you say bbqs ! Just going to the lake and looking at the water gives me so much to be thankful for. And… drum roll…I have met an exceptional and phenomenal man. Yes, he is all that. I feel very blessed. I don’t feel rushed. I don’t feel the pressure. I am very sure of myself. I am myself. I feel loved. What more could I ask for? This is a true testament as to how God works, and for all who are struggling that things do turn around. Like Yolanda Adams would say, “If he did it for me, he can do it for you”.

Time to change

These past few weeks have been really hectic. I interviewed for two jobs, I made time for many friendships,I fell in love with being a mom all over again, I started playing soccer again, I realized I liked someone a lot and I don't know what to do with it, I got the job I wanted, I resigned at my old job and now with one and half weeks to go I have piles and piles of work waiting to go.

I'm feeling ecstatic, scared and a tad confused.

I thought I liked change but this is throwing me in some form of panic. I have to change my commute, my work environment, give up my office space, probably wake up earlier...arrgghh. I know the change is good but I guess I'm starting to second guess myself which I know is unwarranted. It's funny because I clicked on some of my favourite bloggers' pages and both talked about coming out of the comfort zone and pushing to achieve. I was like wow, God has a cool way of delivering the message. I guess he knows I read these blogs so he sneaked that message in and it made me feel better.

I know this is such a great opportunity, challenging and compensation is way better. I know I have been ready for change for a long time. I will be sad to leave my work family (literally) but I'm sooo excited to be somewhere different. I definitely feel the blessing. I'm happy for both my baby and I because it's a new phase in our lives. I'm happy that I'm leaving my comfort zone and I know without a doubt that I will excel not only at my new work place but in my life overall. I can feel God blowing my mind with what he is capable of.

I have been listening to Yolanda Adams, Mountain High, Valley Low. That album has taken me through everything. In the midst of it all, he kept me. I have nothing but praise for him who's able to do it all.