This was the message from today's service and for me a personal conviction. There are many times when I have woken up and just wondered how I was going to face the day. I should be grown up spiritually enough by now to know that God has always taken care of me...after a major panic. When I look back I see how I have been delivered from many crazy and dangerous situations physically, emotionally and mentally.
Now Lord, I'm being convicted to open my eyes and see that you are bigger than my troubles and to stop the panic before it starts. 2 Kings 6:16 when Elisha was confronted with the army coming to arrest him, he said, " Fear not, for those that are with us are more than those that are with them." What a great description of what all of us have as christians, what a comfort! Our heavenly father is always with us. Oh how I pray that God may open my eyes so that I stop reacting to my problems and conflicts but that I respond according to God's word. That I am confident that he is there alongside me. Thank you father for the promise that you will always be with us. Help me to focus on you and not my issues today. You are greater than anything that we encounter on this earth. Give me spiritual insight that I may see what it is you are doing in my life today and that I may show grace and kindness in the midst of my troubles.
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Thursday, February 16, 2012
A is for Attitude
It’s amazing how much God hears me when I call on him. I was feeling so miserable yesterday thinking about all my unaccomplished goals, my “interesting” relationship…and I was angry. As I was driving home, Moody radio had a program on “Anger”. Good anger and bad anger. The bible says that we are not to let the sun go down while we are still angry. This, I am guilty of many times. This, because I lose focus, but it’s not about me, it’s about him, my creator, the giver of life and the taker of life. Then they talked about ‘good’ anger. You know the kind that Jesus had when he threw all those merchants out of the temple. Anger at injustice. I have to admit, I have that kind too. Social justice issues are dear to my heart.
God wasn’t done, this morning, I bumped into the blog of Eraina Davis, single mother of one, same age as myself who has beaten the odds and she can dare write a blog with the name “A good life”. She changed my attitude today. I do have a good life.Not only is she the most optimistic person I have ever “met”, she is truly guided by the scripture and she ends her blogs with a quote or verse. My sister from another mother. I could tell her attitude has taken her places. She could potentially have a lot to complain about, but there is no way she sould have worked through two Master’s degrees with a ‘poor me’ attitude. Wow! Heck, she just moved to Chicago!
Life is too short to sit here planning a pity party. Attitude is everything. Most importantly I should not forget where my help comes from. I’m pouting like I don’t have a father who knows the plans he has for me, who cares so much about everything he created..sparrows, flowers, why would I be doubting? Sometimes when we look around us, at all the things other people are accomplishing, at all our problems, we lose focus. Lord help me to keep my eyes on you. The world has nothing to offer me. There are illusions of happiness and temporary gratification all around me. My happiness comes from you.
Psalm 121
1 I lift up my eyes to the mountains— where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.
3 He will not let your foot slip— he who watches over you will not slumber;
4 indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The LORD watches over you— the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
6 the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.
7 The LORD will keep you from all harm— he will watch over your life;
8 the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.
God wasn’t done, this morning, I bumped into the blog of Eraina Davis, single mother of one, same age as myself who has beaten the odds and she can dare write a blog with the name “A good life”. She changed my attitude today. I do have a good life.Not only is she the most optimistic person I have ever “met”, she is truly guided by the scripture and she ends her blogs with a quote or verse. My sister from another mother. I could tell her attitude has taken her places. She could potentially have a lot to complain about, but there is no way she sould have worked through two Master’s degrees with a ‘poor me’ attitude. Wow! Heck, she just moved to Chicago!
Life is too short to sit here planning a pity party. Attitude is everything. Most importantly I should not forget where my help comes from. I’m pouting like I don’t have a father who knows the plans he has for me, who cares so much about everything he created..sparrows, flowers, why would I be doubting? Sometimes when we look around us, at all the things other people are accomplishing, at all our problems, we lose focus. Lord help me to keep my eyes on you. The world has nothing to offer me. There are illusions of happiness and temporary gratification all around me. My happiness comes from you.
Psalm 121
1 I lift up my eyes to the mountains— where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.
3 He will not let your foot slip— he who watches over you will not slumber;
4 indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The LORD watches over you— the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
6 the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.
7 The LORD will keep you from all harm— he will watch over your life;
8 the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Reflections in the new year!
Wow, 2012! My blogging has really slacked off. I'm stuffed to my neck in posts I want to write. So much has happened in the last few months. Good things, bad things...
School
Inching away at this. Taking two classes each semester with a full time job and being a full time soccer mom was probably biting off more than I could chew. So needless to say the fall season was extremely busy for me. I survived. God, you know only by your hand. You brought along a partner in one of my class whom we were able to brainstorm and make it through the worst of it. You gave me strength and ideas for my other class that had an "interesting" group of students. My grandmother passed away close to thanksgiving and right around the last couple of weeks. Even though I gave it my all most of the time, I would have been happy with a B in those classes considering the circumstances. I managed to score As in both of my classes - Amen! I have been consistently amazed at how the Lord has blessed me in my school work not only in excelling but in showing me that I'm in the right place as I thoroughly enjoy my classes.
Work
I started this job slightly more than a year ago. I'm praising God and I have to remember to praise whenever the work politics and disappointments hit. My work place is badly managed and I don't feel like I'm using my abilities to the fullest. Worst of all, I don't feel like I have a voice or any suggestions stay on paper. So frustration is the name of the game here. Lawd help me!
Family
My son will be entering double digits in a year. God, you are great! The challenges have followed as I balance school/activity schedule and also help him to feel like his life is normal despite having two households. Birthdays are always the most challenging. Should we do two birthday parties..he wants a sleepover...arrgh. I need divine intervention. Arranging a bday party with a narcissist is a chore, because they always want to have it their way. I want my son to be happy, so sometimes I feel like I'm compromising..but it's not about me is it? I may need to seek professional help.
Relationship
I do not like attention so upcoming nuptials are putting a bit of a strain. Should we make everyone happy, or should we just ignore that and do what we want?
Spiritual
I've not been 'feeling' my regular church so the past year has been spent church hopping (or not) but I feel that God has led me to a worship place that I can connect right in my hood- seriously blocks away from me is this wonderful church. I have been so challenged and blessed being here.
Reflection:
When I look at where I have come from and where I'm going, I'm not sure how people make it without God. I am hoping to make this year, the one which I trust God fully, have faith and take his leading. My joy and happiness can only be within the confines of what God has in store and I can't wait to see it unfold. This is a year of major leaps in relationship, work, living and I'm lifting it all up to the master, the one who knew me from the beginning and will take me to the end. Jeremiah 29:11.
2012 here I come.
School
Inching away at this. Taking two classes each semester with a full time job and being a full time soccer mom was probably biting off more than I could chew. So needless to say the fall season was extremely busy for me. I survived. God, you know only by your hand. You brought along a partner in one of my class whom we were able to brainstorm and make it through the worst of it. You gave me strength and ideas for my other class that had an "interesting" group of students. My grandmother passed away close to thanksgiving and right around the last couple of weeks. Even though I gave it my all most of the time, I would have been happy with a B in those classes considering the circumstances. I managed to score As in both of my classes - Amen! I have been consistently amazed at how the Lord has blessed me in my school work not only in excelling but in showing me that I'm in the right place as I thoroughly enjoy my classes.
Work
I started this job slightly more than a year ago. I'm praising God and I have to remember to praise whenever the work politics and disappointments hit. My work place is badly managed and I don't feel like I'm using my abilities to the fullest. Worst of all, I don't feel like I have a voice or any suggestions stay on paper. So frustration is the name of the game here. Lawd help me!
Family
My son will be entering double digits in a year. God, you are great! The challenges have followed as I balance school/activity schedule and also help him to feel like his life is normal despite having two households. Birthdays are always the most challenging. Should we do two birthday parties..he wants a sleepover...arrgh. I need divine intervention. Arranging a bday party with a narcissist is a chore, because they always want to have it their way. I want my son to be happy, so sometimes I feel like I'm compromising..but it's not about me is it? I may need to seek professional help.
Relationship
I do not like attention so upcoming nuptials are putting a bit of a strain. Should we make everyone happy, or should we just ignore that and do what we want?
Spiritual
I've not been 'feeling' my regular church so the past year has been spent church hopping (or not) but I feel that God has led me to a worship place that I can connect right in my hood- seriously blocks away from me is this wonderful church. I have been so challenged and blessed being here.
Reflection:
When I look at where I have come from and where I'm going, I'm not sure how people make it without God. I am hoping to make this year, the one which I trust God fully, have faith and take his leading. My joy and happiness can only be within the confines of what God has in store and I can't wait to see it unfold. This is a year of major leaps in relationship, work, living and I'm lifting it all up to the master, the one who knew me from the beginning and will take me to the end. Jeremiah 29:11.
2012 here I come.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
I need you
Oh God, give me strength to survive this narcissist today.
I’m feeling weak
I feel so much rage.
I feel so much hatred.
So much regret
So much why me
I have worked so hard to move on
Yet some days I feel like I’m starting all over
I have to contain myself
This battle I may not win
But I have the strength within me
To survive the attacks
To fight in love
To not damage myself in the process
To remember that you exist
Not in my own strength Lord,
Because you have promised
Because I trust you
I will overcome
This too shall pass
I’m feeling weak
I feel so much rage.
I feel so much hatred.
So much regret
So much why me
I have worked so hard to move on
Yet some days I feel like I’m starting all over
I have to contain myself
This battle I may not win
But I have the strength within me
To survive the attacks
To fight in love
To not damage myself in the process
To remember that you exist
Not in my own strength Lord,
Because you have promised
Because I trust you
I will overcome
This too shall pass
Friday, August 26, 2011
Joy
I’m just so full of joy this morning, when I woke up I felt like rejoicing and telling God how much I am grateful for his presence in my life. Nothing special happened, I didn’t win the lottery, I didn’t get a promotion, heck things are hard right now: I just started school this week and I have already submitted a couple assignments, my relationship/upcoming nuptials still in the works, my lil man started school (insert crazy morning routine) and I can’t figure what to do with my hair which is starting to be messy..but I digress. God is good, all the time. When I think about his goodness, I’m in awe. Why do I let the daily grind keep me in stress mode? When I look at the bigger picture, I see how God has worked in my life. Never did I imagine that at this age I would me mom to the most wonderful boy and making it solo. In this crazy economy, I have changed jobs 3 times and each time I got a little more than I could have asked for. I have not only enjoyed my classes in the last two years, I have excelled in them. When you have God on your side you should be excited at the things he will do in your life. Even in the bad times, trust me, God is teaching you something, so listen and learn-fast. Don’t be wandering in the wilderness for 40 years like the Israelites did. Do you know it would have only taken about 11 days to get to the Promised Land? Allow God and his word to transform you to what he wants you to be. God I pray that I may give you the space and time for you to transform me, because I do not want to dwell in the desert, I want to reach the Promised Land. I’m not sure what life holds for me tomorrow but I can be sure to face it with confidence with you by my side.
Friday, July 15, 2011
Choose to love
It’s a funny thing about love
We dream about it
Write songs about it
Go chasing after it
Sometimes in the wrong places
Most times with the wrong people
But almost always
Unprepared for what we might find
Not without, but within ourselves
Unprepared to be vulnerable,
Unprepared to not be right
Unprepared to love and to be loved
It’s a funny thing about love
To welcome it
We must discard the fantasies
Accept to be vulnerable
Accept to forgive
Accept ourselves
Then and only then will we discover
That love has always been around us
Waiting a prepared heart
That chooses to love
We dream about it
Write songs about it
Go chasing after it
Sometimes in the wrong places
Most times with the wrong people
But almost always
Unprepared for what we might find
Not without, but within ourselves
Unprepared to be vulnerable,
Unprepared to not be right
Unprepared to love and to be loved
It’s a funny thing about love
To welcome it
We must discard the fantasies
Accept to be vulnerable
Accept to forgive
Accept ourselves
Then and only then will we discover
That love has always been around us
Waiting a prepared heart
That chooses to love
Thursday, July 7, 2011
I will make it today
“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” Maria Robinson
One of the hardest things in life is making that first move, drawing that first line, flipping to that new chapter. We may have gone through much planning or even agony to come up with precisely what we need to do. Sometimes we stay where we are even with that knowledge, mostly because of fear. We are afraid of leaving the chapter we are in, however uncomfortable, however painful, however meaningless. It could be fear of the unknown, fear about what others are going to say, fear of failure; so we are paralyzed and accept less than. We rationalize in our heads that we are good because we know what we need to do; we just need to set a perfect time to do it, with the perfect person, in the perfect season. In the meantime, days turn into years and the energy dwindles, while the pain, the meaninglessness and the discomfort increase. Life happens adding to the complexity, and the perfect time, person, season does not come. We ignore that inner voice and suppress our faith. Sometimes we realize this futility and move, many times we wait until it all becomes too much to handle, and right at the breaking point we may make that step. That one step may be all we needed. Then we wonder why we waited so long to set ourselves free.
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."
Hebrew 11:1 (NIV)
“But forget all that—it is nothing compared to what I am going to do. For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland."
Isaiah 43:18-19 (NLT)
One of the hardest things in life is making that first move, drawing that first line, flipping to that new chapter. We may have gone through much planning or even agony to come up with precisely what we need to do. Sometimes we stay where we are even with that knowledge, mostly because of fear. We are afraid of leaving the chapter we are in, however uncomfortable, however painful, however meaningless. It could be fear of the unknown, fear about what others are going to say, fear of failure; so we are paralyzed and accept less than. We rationalize in our heads that we are good because we know what we need to do; we just need to set a perfect time to do it, with the perfect person, in the perfect season. In the meantime, days turn into years and the energy dwindles, while the pain, the meaninglessness and the discomfort increase. Life happens adding to the complexity, and the perfect time, person, season does not come. We ignore that inner voice and suppress our faith. Sometimes we realize this futility and move, many times we wait until it all becomes too much to handle, and right at the breaking point we may make that step. That one step may be all we needed. Then we wonder why we waited so long to set ourselves free.
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."
Hebrew 11:1 (NIV)
“But forget all that—it is nothing compared to what I am going to do. For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland."
Isaiah 43:18-19 (NLT)
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