Organically Speaking

I am one of those people who if not busy freak out that there is something they should be doing. The workload in the office has been up and down lately and when its down, it gets me down. I cannot seem to get through even the little that there is. I'm not good at taking advantage of this time either...reading books, watching or youtubing (come to think of it I could have watched the Amazing Race episodes that I missed), I just have a very active conscience. I want to do work when I'm at work. I want to advance, learn more, gain more knowledge, heck get paid more. For that reason, I believe that if there is no work to be done, I should just stay at home and find something more meaningful to do with my time as I see fit instead of being confined to the office.

So I'm in that zone where I wonder if this is the right fit for me. Granted I'm going to be very busy in a couple weeks, but in the now, I'm feeling like I'm wasting precious time. I have tried to be as productive on the homefront, picking my son up early from school so we can have more time together but this does not eliminate my need for a challenge. I need to be solving some global problems somewhere, creating health programs that work, educating people on their health, helping provide access, monitoring research and creating effective patient flow in hospitals. and I will once I'm done with this degree in 3 years..sigh. I'm wondering how I can push myself to get it done sooner.

I have also been thinking that God created this time for me on purpose. Because I'm very prone to being very busy and driven that I can forget to pray, read the Bible and just plain out listen to him. So I have been talking to God and searching him a lot in this time period. I even listen to Moody radio...which I had quit for while which is a whole other post. I feel the need to fill my time meditating. Being that I'm Christian I should have been doing these things all along but I dropped the ball somewhere and was just getting by with Sunday morning services.

I came across the blog of a surgeon http://heal-thyself.blogspot.com/ volunteering at my local hospital back home. I'm awed not only by the stories, his commitment but also God's way of using us when we show up for what he needs us to do. He didn't have to do this, he could be making tons of money in the US but he felt the need and trusted God to provide (yes he had to raise $ to support this cause) because it was the only thing to do. While this makes me want to be a surgeon solving complex medical problems, I know God has something in store for ME and he needs me to show up. So I'm listening and searching, going back to the basics being organic in my pursuit of God.

Organic has numerous meanings, 'natural', 'associated with living organisms', 'constitutional in the structure of something'.

I was browsing the web I ran into a quote from Margaret Feinbergs "The Organic God" which sums it all up.

“But as I practice the art of listening to God, I am discovering that He is surprisingly talkative even in the silence. Prayers are not going unanswered as much as He is responding in unexpected ways. Listening to God’s voice requires more than just my ears; it requires my eyes, my mind, my spirit, my entire being to recognize the God-nudges in life. His voice is found in the wisdom of friends and spiritual leaders. He whispers through dreams and visions and abundant provision. He speaks through both conscience and conviction and an undeniable sense that some thoughts are more like God-thoughts than my own. He even speaks in the silence. In the process, I find myself both enticed and intrigued by Him. I find myself hanging on every word. God’s voice becomes the only voice I want to hear.”