15 minutes

The other evening  my lil man got his tongue stuck in a water bottle..yep you heard that right, tongue stuck in a water bottle. We were happily winding the night away, he was ready to jump into bed when  he asked for a drink of water. He remembered that he left his water bottle in class so I asked him to grab a water bottle on the counter and get some water. So it turns out, he has this special relationship with this particular water bottle since the last time he used it, I had to yank his tongue out of the spout. He hasn’t used that particular water bottle since then but we didn’t think anything of it this time around. He got his water, I was busy on the phone and the next thing I know someone is wailing and hysterically waiving his arm. First I didn’t think that this was possible but given that he was crying real tears, it couldn’t be a prank. So I got off the phone, and switched into mommy mode with a big S on my chest. I had done this before, thanks to a can of cooking spray. Last time it only took a few sprays and his tongue slipped out. So I said a quick prayer that I had just restocked that cooking spray and I got into action. A few sprays then I asked him to wiggle his tongue out. Nothing. More hysterical crying. By now I was coaching him to breathe since the panicking was not working with whole situation. I was beginning to think ER and even told him to calm down or we would have to get a doctor-bad move-the panicking got worse with him motioning that he did not want them cutting his tongue out….lol.

Next step was to untwist the bottle to separate the top and bottom. Now this cap was on tight and considering I had been spraying oil all over the bottle…let’s say untwisting it was a project unto itself. He even stopped me halfway trying to use sign language and me hysterically guessing …just the thought of this process makes me laugh, it sounds so comical. So after not understanding the tongue-less words, I grabbed a pencil and piece of paper and asked him to write what he was trying to say. “It is going to hurt my tongue…and he drew what I later found out was the tongue with a curved arrow to signify that the twisting was going to hurt him. Good thing I didn’t quite understand, I just told him to calm down, wiped down the bottle and couple minutes later I just had someone’s tongue stuck in a large top. So I sprayed the magic stuff once more on the opposite end and was expecting the tongue to pop right out..nope, this ordeal was not over. How did he manage to stick HALF of his tongue down this thing? So I used my fingers, curling the tongue from the opposite end while pushing it out.  FINALLY. Approximately 15 minutes later. We hugged it out and he cried a good couple minutes-he was so traumatized and frankly speaking so was I!  10 minutes later, I was thinking about it and asked “ that was crazy right?” and he chuckled because looking back that was so crazy you just have to laugh. I told him the story of how my sister/brother (don’t remember which one) had once gotten bean stuck up their nose -one day he will talk about this story and laugh, heck I’m still laughing just thinking about it. The things that kids  boys do!

mother's day present

Lil man found me fixin’ my face right before church on mother's day and he said: “You look the same with make-up or without make-up, it doesn’t really make a difference”. Now, either my make-up skills are soo bad  (and they are) or my lil boy thinks his mama looks fine sans make-up. This was the best mother’s day comment. So I didn’t wear make-up to church, just made sure my lips weren’t cracked and all and we hit out. Awww. so sweet. He had made me a card, with three things he loves about me and drawn a picture of me. Coincidentally, this was the same weekend that I had just chopped my hair off, so I had short curly hair, while the drawing had long straight hair.  "Mommy can you go back to your normal hair". Then I looked at the card and understood that I had just messed up the whole card thing since I was wearing my hair different, lol. I love being a mom.

Not by works

I have so much to write, I don’t know where to start, I feel like my head is bubbling over with blog ideas and stuff that just needs to be on paper and not in my head. My life right now is a mix of emotions, I’m so happy, yet so sad at the same time. I’m have been going through a painful ordeal and I’m was doing everything possible to keep from going down under..you know, emotionally. Then I re-discovered the power of prayer and truly sought God who has shown me such amazing grace. I had been trying too hard to do what I couldn’t do for myself. As the pastor said this past Sunday, grace is God doing for you what you cannot do for yourself. I can tell you for sure that being the type A person that I am and the researcher in me, I have tried many solutions, experimented, rewritten the hypothesis on my life and on happiness- all in vain. All my efforts to make myself a great and happy person have ended in frustration. 

Then Grace came along..actually God had been pursuing me all along it’s just there was so much noise in my life I had learnt to ignore him. But when I finally realized that my efforts were pointless and I surrendered to God, I found grace waiting happily, with open arms. All I can say is I don’t know why I didn’t try this sooner. I believed all along that God is a good God who sacrificed his son but I had forgotten that I needed to access this grace on a daily basis. With my human nature and all the craziness of this world, I need grace continually to escape temptation, greed, laziness, name it,  I need grace to save me from myself!

Thank you Jesus for not giving up on me and pursuing me constantly, because of your grace, I am happy today, not because everything is going well, but because by your grace I have found comfort and contentment. Today I choose to rejoice despite my circumstances, because your grace is sufficient for me and your power is made known in my weakness. I believe in your power God, that you have a great plan for my life. T’is so sweet to trust in Jesus.

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 2 Cor 12:19

Metamorphosis and musings

“Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward.” -C.S. Lewis

 How I have missed blogging. I haven’t even captured all the funny things my lil man keeps saying:
 • He is sad that May has 31 instead of 30 days because it makes the school year longer.

 • He demonstrated that you can play UNO by yourself. Of course the cards were selected in advance for this demo. I caught it on my phone camera-or so I thought so I asked him to redo the demo but he had already mixed in the cards. The second demo for solo play in UNO took a while as he kept getting the draw 2 and draw 4 cards…lol. It was hilarious, but he finally won-I mean he finished the game. Is there a win if you are the only player? I’m sure he would answer ‘yes’.

• He is fond of keeping his uniform on after school and I always have to tell him to take it off. The other day he replied that his uniform “only feels comfortable when he is at home”. He wants to keep it on. I’m not sure if there is truth to this statement or he is just trying to be lazy. But, I pick my battles, I let him keep it on, unless we are eating spaghetti and sauce.

• He had decided he wants to be a vegetarian. While shopping at Target the other day, he decided to share that I should not buy meat because he is becoming a vegetarian. I don’t think he remembers his love for hot dogs or hamburgers but I will remind him of this soon I’m sure. He has eaten a vegan burger and chicken nuggets which apparently tasted the same as meat. I have no intentions of going vegan so our mealtime battles on top of shoving veggies down his throat will also involve me begging him to eat a hamburger.

How about me?
A lot of changes, a metamorphosis of some sort. I started a healthy hair journey almost a year ago when I decided to stop permanently straightening my hair by relaxer a.k.a the “creamy crack”. In many ways my going back to curly hair reflects my inward journey to self-discovery. I am going back to my roots that I abandoned when I joined the western culture and had to conform. My hair is unruly, kinky and does not like to be tamed. That is how I feel. Enough with conforming, it really hasn’t gotten me anywhere other than further from myself. So I have been cleaning shop. I have had to let go of a few friends, a few habits even let go of my old church. I have also discovered a few things I don’t like about myself, boy I’m a work in progress. The last few years have been a struggle for me to keep living in this country as nothing is as appealing as I always thought. The land of milk and honey is just a myth really…life is so hectic and lonely. I have this recurring dream that I packed up and left but yet I’m still here and God knows there are reasons why he has allowed me to stay on while my heart yearns to be back home. I know home is not a bed of roses but I’m willing to take my chances in a developing country than stay in a “developed country” yet so behind in many aspects.

Most importantly, after all these years of searching, my faith in God makes sense. Attending a church that is filled with the spirit and presence of God has definitely transformed me in the last couple months. To think this church has been a couple blocks from my house all along. I honestly think the ministers there are appointed of God. In this era where ministry is money making business it’s a relief. I see people in the general congregation pray like I see people pray back home-with conviction and great faith. I know I’m here for a great purpose and I’m glad that I now have a church family that is an example for how the Christian walk should be and “a place of becoming” which is the church motto.

I have been struggling with forgiving someone who hurt me deeply in the past, I mean years of thinking “I can forgive but will not forget” but really my heart had not let go of that hurt. Somehow in the midst of more reading and prayer and churchin’, I finally got it. It’s like a burden has been lifted, and for the first time I saw clearly not only the love that God has for me, but the love that God has for the person who hurt me. And I prayed for them. If by God’s grace I do not get what I deserve, then the same grace is available for them. I’m free, free to love them enough to pray for them. Only God can do what God can do. A couple Christmases ago my parents narrated this story of how they blessed a couple who had done them wrong and I remember thinking how nuts they were and how they let people walk all over them…I finally understand their faith, my faith.

I like the quote by C.S. Lewis even if it doesn’t match the topic but it very much describes some decisions I have had to make and still need to make. God is faithful, if you have ever doubted, ask me, I have a testimony.

spiritual insight

This was the message from today's service and for me a personal conviction. There are many times when I have woken up and just wondered how I was going to face the day. I should be grown up spiritually enough by now to know that God has always taken care of me...after a major panic. When I look back I see how I have been delivered from many crazy and dangerous situations physically, emotionally and mentally.
Now Lord, I'm being convicted to open my eyes and see that you are bigger than my troubles and to stop the panic before it starts. 2 Kings 6:16 when Elisha was confronted with the army coming to arrest him, he said, " Fear not, for those that are with us are more than those that are with them." What a great description of what all of us have as christians, what a comfort! Our heavenly father is always with us. Oh how I pray that God may open my eyes so that I stop reacting to my problems and conflicts but that I respond according to God's word. That I am confident that he is there alongside me. Thank you father for the promise that you will always be with us. Help me to focus on you and not my issues today. You are greater than anything that we encounter on this earth. Give me spiritual insight that I may see what it is you are doing in my life today and that I may show grace and kindness in the midst of my troubles.

A is for Attitude

It’s amazing how much God hears me when I call on him. I was feeling so miserable yesterday thinking about all my unaccomplished goals, my “interesting” relationship…and I was angry. As I was driving home, Moody radio had a program on “Anger”. Good anger and bad anger. The bible says that we are not to let the sun go down while we are still angry. This, I am guilty of many times. This, because I lose focus, but it’s not about me, it’s about him, my creator, the giver of life and the taker of life. Then they talked about ‘good’ anger. You know the kind that Jesus had when he threw all those merchants out of the temple. Anger at injustice. I have to admit, I have that kind too. Social justice issues are dear to my heart.
God wasn’t done, this morning, I bumped into the blog of Eraina Davis, single mother of one, same age as myself who has beaten the odds and she can dare write a blog with the name “A good life”. She changed my attitude today. I do have a good life.Not only is she the most optimistic person I have ever “met”, she is truly guided by the scripture and she ends her blogs with a quote or verse. My sister from another mother. I could tell her attitude has taken her places. She could potentially have a lot to complain about, but there is no way she sould have worked through two Master’s degrees with a ‘poor me’ attitude. Wow! Heck, she just moved to Chicago!
Life is too short to sit here planning a pity party. Attitude is everything. Most importantly I should not forget where my help comes from. I’m pouting like I don’t have a father who knows the plans he has for me, who cares so much about everything he created..sparrows, flowers, why would I be doubting? Sometimes when we look around us, at all the things other people are accomplishing, at all our problems, we lose focus. Lord help me to keep my eyes on you. The world has nothing to offer me. There are illusions of happiness and temporary gratification all around me. My happiness comes from you.
Psalm 121
1 I lift up my eyes to the mountains— where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.
3 He will not let your foot slip— he who watches over you will not slumber;
4 indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The LORD watches over you— the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
6 the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.
7 The LORD will keep you from all harm— he will watch over your life;
8 the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.

Reflections in the new year!

Wow, 2012! My blogging has really slacked off. I'm stuffed to my neck in posts I want to write. So much has happened in the last few months. Good things, bad things...

School
Inching away at this. Taking two classes each semester with a full time job and being a full time soccer mom was probably biting off more than I could chew. So needless to say the fall season was extremely busy for me. I survived. God, you know only by your hand. You brought along a partner in one of my class whom we were able to brainstorm and make it through the worst of it. You gave me strength and ideas for my other class that had an "interesting" group of students. My grandmother passed away close to thanksgiving and right around the last couple of weeks. Even though I gave it my all most of the time, I would have been happy with a B in those classes considering the circumstances. I managed to score As in both of my classes - Amen! I have been consistently amazed at how the Lord has blessed me in my school work not only in excelling but in showing me that I'm in the right place as I thoroughly enjoy my classes.

Work
I started this job slightly more than a year ago. I'm praising God and I have to remember to praise whenever the work politics and disappointments hit. My work place is badly managed and I don't feel like I'm using my abilities to the fullest. Worst of all, I don't feel like I have a voice or any suggestions stay on paper. So frustration is the name of the game here. Lawd help me!

Family
My son will be entering double digits in a year. God, you are great! The challenges have followed as I balance school/activity schedule and also help him to feel like his life is normal despite having two households. Birthdays are always the most challenging. Should we do two birthday parties..he wants a sleepover...arrgh. I need divine intervention. Arranging a bday party with a narcissist is a chore, because they always want to have it their way. I want my son to be happy, so sometimes I feel like I'm compromising..but it's not about me is it? I may need to seek professional help.

Relationship
I do not like attention so upcoming nuptials are putting a bit of a strain. Should we make everyone happy, or should we just ignore that and do what we want?

Spiritual
I've not been 'feeling' my regular church so the past year has been spent church hopping (or not) but I feel that God has led me to a worship place that I can connect right in my hood- seriously blocks away from me is this wonderful church. I have been so challenged and blessed being here.

Reflection:
When I look at where I have come from and where I'm going, I'm not sure how people make it without God. I am hoping to make this year, the one which I trust God fully, have faith and take his leading. My joy and happiness can only be within the confines of what God has in store and I can't wait to see it unfold. This is a year of major leaps in relationship, work, living and I'm lifting it all up to the master, the one who knew me from the beginning and will take me to the end. Jeremiah 29:11.

2012 here I come.