In all things

Thanksgiving…huh. If I really want to write how I feel about this time of year, it’s just that I’m glad we get the time off. Thanksgiving is a weird holiday, it reminds me that I’m far away from my family yet at the same time it makes me grateful to have good friends. The anxiety of Christmas starts and you can’t help feeling like you are going to miss out on a really great deal on black Friday…ugh. I have evaded that shopping madness, I will take my chances with reheating leftovers  and movie marathons thank you!

For a parent with shared custody like me, holidays are a whole other beast. It means I might not have my child for one or more of the holidays. It makes planning really sad, almost makes me want to skip all these holidays altogether. This year, I do not have my son for thanksgiving or Christmas, thanks to a horrible custody deal I made (with the devil) years ago. I avoided planning for what we were going to do as long as possible. I mean staying home may not be such a bad idea. Today was sad  day as I spoke to my baby while he was preparing for thanksgiving with his dad. I missed him so much already. Not only would it be so much better, he would have so much more fun being here.  His dad makes no efforts to connect with families with kids or his own family. That is a story for another day.

So when I left work today my heart was heavy. Everyone was running to get out early and a tad bit mad that they didn’t close the office at 3. I wasn’t in a hurry. I mean where was I going but to a house full of echo? My  baby who is usually bouncing off the walls or bouncing stuff off of something keeps it pretty noisy, talking nonstop or watching SpongeBob. Today he wasn’t going to be there.

I finally left the office, adding to the aggravation was the biting cold. Why do I live here again? I got to my car. His dad had said something foolish earlier in the day and I started thinking about how I’ve been dealing with his narcissistic personality. Most days I can handle it, but some days I’m just tired. I could feel an oncoming pity party.

I was reminded of the devotional I read earlier in the day from Tony Evans. Of course it was about giving thanks.  1 Thes. 5:18 says that giving thanks is the “will of God concerning you”. He went on to explain that God causes all things to work together for good..Romans 8:28. ALL things. Even the tough times like these. Even a divorce, a custody situation, ALL things. He sees the whole picture. Today I was only seeing how my son wasn’t going to be there and he has to be with someone I can barely stand. If I believe that God has a divine purpose for my life, then even this seemingly crazy situation is being used for good. I just don’t have the whole picture but God does. I should be thanking him and relinquishing control of my life. I trust that he is aware of every situation, he knows, he is working it out..for my good, for my son’s good. This verse in Lamentations 3: 37 comforts me: Can anything happen without the Lord’s permission?

Right there and then in the car, I started to wonder why I was worried so much. I could pray and lift my son up in prayer. I could give thanks that he is in control and that he is going to protect my child. He does that even when my child is with me, I don’t have much more control over his life or anything for that matter. God gifted me that child to take care of and I should look up to him for his protection.

I gave thanks for the crazy family dynamic that I am in. I know it’s for a divine purpose. I accept that and hope to grow into what the Lord would have me. I prayed for my son, his protection, peace, comfort and happiness, even when he cannot be with his mom. That he will thrive above this situation. I can’t tell you what peace I experienced after that prayer. I’m so thankful for the Holy Spirit nudging me to pray instead of mulling over the situation on the way home and feeling sorry and mad.

I thank God for the hope I have in salvation. I ’m thankful for a husband. I’m thankful for wonderful friends with whom I will eat and laugh tomorrow. There is reason to be thankful when we know God has the whole picture. Happy thanksgiving!

More like Jesus

I haven’t written lately, first because I was busy getting married, getting used to being married and now, I can reflect…Hmm marriage is great! I know it’s for me, I love having someone to come home to everyday, to share my recipes and stories and crazy ideas. Marriage is also hard work as I’m learning. Having someone next to you all of the time is going to annoy you at some point. Let’s face it, we are selfish beings. I am a selfish person. I didn’t think that way of myself until I got married. It just seems like my way is better, why would you not neatly arrange dishes in the dishwasher, why not put the socks in the right place, why do you have to change up your breakfast routine? Why oh why?

The list is endless, but it all points to: I like things the way I like them and having someone else do things different in your space is challenging. So I’m accepting this challenge as God’s way of growing me out of my selfishness and maturing me into someone more useful for him. Because let’s face it, Jesus was not selfish, he gave of himself to people who did not deserve it. I cannot think of anything more selfless. I strive to be like Jesus, so I’m praying that God may do his work in this season to take out the things that are not of him and make me more like Jesus. Just don’t make it so painful Lord. 

If you are going through a season that is challenging, embrace what the Lord is doing. Pray, reflect, listen, he will show you the things that need to change and enable you to do so, and in the process he will give you grace as you learn to be more like him. Yes grace, we need it. 

I believe firmly that the moment our hearts are emptied of pride and selfishness and ambition and everything that is contrary to God's law, the Holy Spirit will fill every corner of our hearts. But if we are full of pride and conceit and ambition and the world, there is no room for the Spirit of God. We must be emptied before we can be filled -  D.L. Moody

Every man must decide whether he will walk in the light of creative altruism or in the darkness of destructive selfishness- Martin Luther King, Jr.

 

Dress code

Today as I walked to into the office at my son’s school, there was a female student, say 6, 7^th or 8^th grade (can’t seem to tell nowadays) who was having a conversation with a teacher. While I was waiting to be helped, I gathered that she was in the office for lacking appropriate school gear. We have a uniform dress code part of which happens to be gray pants. I heard her say “these are just like skinny jeans..”. First I was thinking, no skinny jeans allowed… I couldn’t see her bottom as she was standing behind the desk. Then the teacher replied “These are probably appropriate for when you are at home or grocery shopping but not for school, you are wearing leggings .”

I could tell they had been having this conversation for a couple minutes. As I got the assistance I need, she moved around so I was able to see her supposed pants or lack thereof.  To her credit, they were gray in color, but how in the world did this woman girl get out of the house wearing leggings and a sweatshirt on her merry way to school? The worst part is she had the nerve to argue with a teacher about the appropriateness of her outfit. These are the kind of tights you wear under a dress or outfit but to her these were THE outfit! Glad to see that they called her parents.

Not that my .02 cents counts for anything but good Lord, our sense of decency long went down the drain and now pre-teens think it’s ok to spend a day in school in nothing but tights, what’s next come as you are in pajamas…wait we already have pajama day which still puzzles me. I mean how are we supposed to wear those same pajamas to bed after collecting germs at school all day? But I digress.  How do schools without a uniform dress code deal with this everyday? As I was pondering the school’s dilemma in enforcing dress code and the student’s reaction, I didn’t have to look too far other than our office setting. Yep, guessed it right someone has worn leggings to work as pants! I have no words to address this odd behavior. When did colored skinny jeans become acceptable business casual? Imitating google, apple or is it Facebook? Except we don’t make cool innovative stuff, play racquetball over break or other casual work place perks.  We can do better.

Instructions? Meh..

Yesterday I got home to find a sparkling clean kitchen.  My fiancé had come in and apparently decided to go to war with any dirty dish or speck of dirt. I was happy of course, but it seemed an odd task to take on a random Wednesday, so I asked what the motivation to clean was.  

My fiancé needed to fix his favorite watch as the seams were coming undone. Being the handy man he is, he decided he was going the super glue route. He had mentioned that earlier in the day, and with the ease that he said those words, I thought he had done this super glue thing. 

I was at the gym, the super glue was bought, the home depot version, not the corner store version. He proceeded to fix the seams of his watch and as he was doing it, some glue ran down his fingers...pause… I correct that, some SUPER glue ran down his fingers! This is where I OMGed, mouth open…

Instantly two of his fingers had meshed together, his skin became taut, so much so he could not open his curved hand. He said if felt like his hand was stiff and immobile. Then began the freak-out: He read the instructions on the super glue first: “do not let this get on your skin”. Ah, those darn instructions-too late! YouTube, Google, furiously scrubbing his fingers with the pumice stone…. If you have ever had even a drop of superglue on you, then you sympathize, because short of removing some skin, it really does the gluing in a super manner-pun intended. The tube instructions did mention something about keeping the affected surface in hot water.  So more scrubbing, peeling, then dishes, ah, what is a better way to keep your hand immersed than while washing dishes! 

I won’t even mention the part where he wondered if this was how it was all going to end, so he had put his phone on standby in case he started convulsing or gasping for air or some other crazy superglue induced malfunction. By the time I came home, it was a clean, calm house. Most of the super glue removed and normal hand functions restored.  

 I was laughing uncontrollably because the probable malfunctions being described to me could only happen during an alien invasion or in an episode of ‘Criminal Minds’. He survived and I think he learnt something about reading instructions first-maybe. Nah, this happens to be one of those experience first things. I’m glad we got it out of the way. 

Have a super day!

gift of motherhood

Lil man is turning 10 in a couple of days..10. I would like to say “Where did the time go?” which is so cliché, but for real, “Where did the time go?” How can I be a mom to a 10 year old? He has promptly notified me that he will be a tween (I guess pre-teen) and my heart is responding appropriately with muted panic. Last evening I watched him wash his hands and he put three pumps of the hand washing soap. Now, one pump is more than enough, I could understand two…but three pumps of the Trader Joe’s soap?  I asked him why he was using so much, the soap was obviously overflowing from his hand at this point. His answer: he needs three pumps as his hands have recently grown bigger, adding that as of last week he only needed two pumps but he has noticed that he now needs three pumps. LOL. At this point I should pick my battles, right? I mean he is washing his hands,  I may just have to buy soap more often. Maybe this is a metaphor that I should be comfortable with transitions. I have had two buy a brand new wardrobe just in six months because nothing fits anymore. For now, believe it or not, he still fits on my lap, or attempts to, which is funny as he is only 6 inches away from being my height (sigh). This reminds me that he is still my baby and I will treasure it as long as I can.

Lord thank you for this motherhood journey. I have learned so much about myself and about you. Thank you for the gift of a child. Help me raise him to be the person you have designed him to be.