Thanksgiving…huh. If I really want to write how I feel about
this time of year, it’s just that I’m glad we get the time off. Thanksgiving is
a weird holiday, it reminds me that I’m far away from my family yet at the same
time it makes me grateful to have good friends. The anxiety of Christmas starts
and you can’t help feeling like you are going to miss out on a really great
deal on black Friday…ugh. I have evaded that shopping madness, I will take my chances with reheating
leftovers and movie marathons thank you!
For a parent with shared custody like me, holidays are a
whole other beast. It means I might not have my child for one or more of the
holidays. It makes planning really sad, almost makes me want to skip all these
holidays altogether. This year, I do not have my son for thanksgiving or
Christmas, thanks to a horrible custody deal I made (with the devil) years ago.
I avoided planning for what we were going to do as long as possible. I mean
staying home may not be such a bad idea. Today was sad day as I spoke to my baby while he was
preparing for thanksgiving with his dad. I missed him so much already. Not only
would it be so much better, he would have so much more fun being here. His dad makes no efforts to connect with
families with kids or his own family. That is a story for another day.
So when I left work today my heart was heavy. Everyone was
running to get out early and a tad bit mad that they didn’t close the office at
3. I wasn’t in a hurry. I mean where was I going but to a house full of echo?
My baby who is usually bouncing off the
walls or bouncing stuff off of something keeps it pretty noisy, talking nonstop
or watching SpongeBob. Today he wasn’t going to be there.
I finally left the office, adding to the aggravation was the
biting cold. Why do I live here again? I got to my car. His dad had said
something foolish earlier in the day and I started thinking about how I’ve been
dealing with his narcissistic personality. Most days I can handle it, but some
days I’m just tired. I could feel an oncoming pity party.
I was reminded of the devotional I read earlier in the day
from Tony Evans. Of course it was about giving thanks. 1 Thes. 5:18 says that giving thanks is the “will
of God concerning you”. He went on to explain that God causes all things to
work together for good..Romans 8:28. ALL things. Even the tough times like
these. Even a divorce, a custody situation, ALL things. He sees the whole
picture. Today I was only seeing how my son wasn’t going to be there and he has
to be with someone I can barely stand. If I believe that God has a divine purpose
for my life, then even this seemingly crazy situation is being used for good. I
just don’t have the whole picture but God does. I should be thanking him and
relinquishing control of my life. I trust that he is aware of every situation,
he knows, he is working it out..for my good, for my son’s good. This verse in Lamentations
3: 37 comforts me: Can anything happen without the Lord’s permission?
Right there and then in the car, I started to wonder why I was
worried so much. I could pray and lift my son up in prayer. I could give thanks
that he is in control and that he is going to protect my child. He does that
even when my child is with me, I don’t have much more control over his life or
anything for that matter. God gifted me that child to take care of and I should
look up to him for his protection.
I gave thanks for the crazy family dynamic that I am in. I
know it’s for a divine purpose. I accept that and hope to grow into what the
Lord would have me. I prayed for my son, his protection, peace, comfort and
happiness, even when he cannot be with his mom. That he will thrive above this
situation. I can’t tell you what peace I experienced after that prayer. I’m so
thankful for the Holy Spirit nudging me to pray instead of mulling over the
situation on the way home and feeling sorry and mad.
I thank God for the hope I have in salvation. I ’m thankful
for a husband. I’m thankful for wonderful friends with whom I will eat and
laugh tomorrow. There is reason to be thankful when we know God has the whole
picture. Happy thanksgiving!
