Part 1: Dr. Cornel West APHA Opening Session 2010

The opening remarks of Dr. West at APHA remind me why I'm in this field. This was so passionately and provocatively delivered, if this doesn't stir up your senses about the reality of our society, nothing will. I love that he stands up for the fact that he is a Christian.

A sign of the times

I have not posted anything in a while. School, work, motherhood, relationship in no particular order have consumed my life. BUT most importantly I get a nice reward-a warm Christmas!! Oh my the very thought. In the meantime I have to accept that winter is here. What is pissing me off most this season is that with the new job, I have to walk about 10 minutes from the parking lot to get to the office....definitely not working out. See, there are many other garages and lots but the parking office claims that they are all occupied. Word from many co-workers is that they got to get into the nearest lot by a)literally stalking the parking office b)-and most common-telling a white lie of some sort-medical issue, etc.
The dilemma. On a serious note, I could possibly get a doctor's note since 2 winters ago my toes have not been very friendly with cold weather and actually start acting up all swollen and itchy if I get super cold. I just need a doctor's note for that but the process..aish.
I saw someone(a grown-up) on a scooter today and considering my son has one too, that thing works quite well in minimizing transportation time...but dang I'm trying to be professional and all so that might ruin my image.
Seriously, I need to know someone in the parking office.

one nice room

I just finished week 2 of my new job and I can’t complain. It’s a bit slow because I have to learn how everything works but I’m sure that it won’t stay like this, at least I have been warned. Today I visited my old office while at lunch. You may ask “Why” multiple times considering the circumstances of my departure, but there are valid reasons. For one, the only thing separating me from my old boss is a block walk and an elevator ride up to the 7th floor! Luckily they are so busy on the days she is there that chances of ever running into her are pretty much nil. Back to my valid reasons for going back to the office-I left my precious sweater hanging on the hook behind the door so I called in one of my co-workers on the day the big boss was not there. I immediately felt sorry for my co-workers when I got in because I could see piles of work which will take them forever to complete mostly because there hasn't been a replacement for the two of us who left. Almost immediately, my pity turned into a big sigh of relief and a happy dance that I didn’t have to deal with this workload and the fact that they hadn’t mutilated my sweater.

All in all, I’ve realized that one of the only things I miss most from my old job was the ladies' room. It is spacious with a nice coat of paint, bright and airy. There is a counter with all sought of goodies like tampons, pens; samples of Metamucil (don’t ask me why). I suppose you might be on your period, constipated and needing to write something while you are in there?? I don’t think the Metamucil works that fast but as I was saying, you don’t know a bad bathroom until you have been in one and vice versa! I can tell you our current bathroom should fail the code of bathroom appearance. Don’t get me wrong, it’s clean and smells fresh, but the first thing you see when you open the door is a wall, squeeze past the drier to the only two stalls painted black. The lighting so off such that you cannot really see your true state of appearance. You may start to feel color-blind while looking in the mirror. Forget about putting on make-up in there because in real life you may come out looking like a clown. You can’t have two people at the sink at once, the paper dispenser does not work but luckily there is a hand drier-those things are so loud and irritating! While you are using the drier on your way out, you would be blocking someone from coming in.
The worst of it all is that you need a key to get into the bathroom!! For the fact that this bathroom is locked, you would think it has a plush lounge or something fancy to prevent people from wanting to spend all day in it. Luckily, the employees get their own key so they don’t have to ask for it at the front desk like the guests do. I don’t look forward to going in here unless I have to and it always happens that I need to go when I’m out and about but my keys are in the office! It would make more sense if there was a code key type of entrance but nope, that would make too much sense for a government office. Yes, now it all makes sense-I work for the state and we can’t waste tax-payers money to beautify the bathroom. Who ever said the state wastes money was wrong! The bathrooms are practical nothing fancy schmancy here. I have fond memories of the old bathroom, but like the serenity prayer goes, I have accepted that I cannot change this bathroom, after all there are many things I like about this place, but that’s yet to be written.

Of lil men and necklaces

Let’s talk about the “most awesome necklace” that was ever made. It started with a piece of yarn sometime the first week of school. Then several beads later, a knot and voila! The yarn is green and the beads are multicolored. It hangs just perfectly on the chest and magically goes with just about every outfit. It looks cool and makes an identity statement. This necklace has not left my son’s neck for the past month! I’m talking about not even at shower time. I gave up after initial protests that yarn dries very quickly, which it does- so there was no argument. I also sought of have an attachment to this necklace, because I made someone reach in high places literally for this necklace. The story goes..we were at the grocery store happily shopping in the fruit section. Or I should rephrase that I was happily shopping away while lil man was keeping himself busy with the necklace that he had made at school the day before. We don’t do too many crafts so he was particularly attached to this piece of work. He was tossing the necklace up and catching it-which is apparently what 7 year-olds do with just about everything..clothes, cups, your favorite mug, the remote which now has tape on it…. But I digress. I had bumped into a parent from his class and was chatting away when he tugged at me saying that his necklace was stuck.

He pointed up and sure enough, way up high-we are talking grocery store ceilings high-dangled a green piece of yarn with some beads on it. My response was that we can make another one if it didn’t fall down soon. This necklace does not have any metal anything so the fact that it was attached to the ceiling was puzzling. I venture to guess that it was probably hanging onto some spider webs or a spider itself. Needless to say that necklace was just dangling and had no intentions of getting back down.
My lil man looked at me “I worked really hard on that necklace..” with that mommy-do-something look. I headed to the customer service desk and let them know I had an unusual request, we had a necklace stuck on the ceiling above the bananas-I mean that’s pretty common right? I tried to explain that it was my son’s necklace, not sure if that made it better or worse because if it was mine, I would look crazy but then it would be worth the effort, but again a boy necklace?…well you get my drift. The look on the customer service rep let me know that it was probably not the craziest request she had had. She just called in for someone with a ladder to show up at the counter. This guy was gracious, we just pointed him in the right direction and right over the bananas he rescued our dear necklace.

I am happy that lil man has been wearing the necklace after that daring rescue but I think it has run its course. Now I can see that the beads have been chewed on so they are not as smooth and it’s just plain beginning to concern me that he may NEVER take this thing off. I have offered to replace the yarn or beads but he is fine with his creation as is. Oh what’s a mother to do? Buy him a replacement? Bribe him with a toy? Maybe I’ll just let him be. He is getting his fall pictures taken at school, and he has no intentions of taking it off. I think it will make for good conversation when he is 17 about the time he had a yarn necklace..that is if he is not planning on keeping it that long! I have to think about the consequences should anything happen to this dear necklace, gosh he might need mommy therapy to cope! Let’s just hope it makes a gracious, unremarkable exit off his neck and into the memorabilia box. Long live the necklace-until Christmas at most!

The power of motherhood….beyond the basics

Being a mother is fantastic, most days that is and I really love it. But I have realized that it has given me a certain edge that I wouldn’t otherwise have in my field. See I look younger than I really am so I’m conscious of people not taking me seriously and I try to dress mature. Now that I have a new job, I have to schmooze, be nice, come to work on time (sigh), not leave early, basically build my trustworthiness all over again. Most of my co-workers are women and majority are older than I am. I have been here for a week today and I have bonded over my son on four separate occasions. First with my supervisor who has a 10 year-old daughter, the assistant to the director let me know that I could adjust my schedule if I needed it for my son’s school and finally two of my co-workers who have boys about the same age as my son. Believe it or not this morning we bonded over the joys of having boys and they happily accepted me in their ‘club’ because I can relate. Who knew? The untold perks of motherhood.

Let the mind wander

My random thoughts for this week..

My uncle died, my cousin texted, “Dad is dead”….I can’t imagine what it takes to write that. I feel sad and I'm in denial. I mostly feel bad for my cousins-they are now orphans twice...they were adopted.

My parents take on a lot of burdens for the whole family and this worries me.

I think I’m going to like my new job very much. I love working with documents.

I plan on going home in Dec. Thank you Jesus!

There’s a pregnant teenager in my neighborhood. She is on baby #2; she has no bed, no clothes for her kids. It has made me think on another level. It has given my school and future work meaning.

You can’t be friends with everyone; I have learnt that in the last few years. You will be disappointed by many, be true to yourself, it’s the only thing that will count, don’t get swept up by the friendship current.

I have friends whom I barely see or talk to, but when we get to talk even if it’s once or twice a year; we laugh or cry like the time never passed. Even if I didn’t speak to them for 2 years, I know they would have my back instantly. I have ‘friends’ whom I laugh with regularly, I don’t think they are willing to cry with me. I need to do something about that.

I’m juggling a lot lately, new job, school, soccer mom, regular mom, fiancé, I’m overwhelmed.

I don’t like it that our society is so fragmented. I have to make time for church friends, co-workers, parents at school, my son’s soccer team friends, single friends, married friends, school friends, African friends all in 24 hours!

I don’t understand why we all just can’t get along. I once heard on radio the story of this guy who invites 50 people to his house for dinner on Sundays, anyone can come so long as they rsvp, it’s somewhere in Europe and I plan on looking him up if I’m ever that way. I wish I could do a Sunday dinner for even half that number for people to just let loose…without worrying about time, race, just enjoying the company of each other.

With that said, Criminal Minds is my all time favorite show so I know they are many crazy people. Did I say how much I looove some Shemar Moore? Fall premier did not disappoint.

"Jesu witu niwe watuonire,hindi iria tuorete agicoka agituonereria njira ya muoyo-ini". One of the songs we sang in elementary school. I don’t know why it’s been in my head. It means Jesus found us when we were lost and showed us the way to eternal life.

Without God, my life would be meaningless.

I have lived long enough to know that money is the root cause of very many evils. It takes some serious discernment, wisdom and Godliness to use money wisely when you have it in plenty. It seems to me the more money people make, the greedier they get, the less generous they get and the more arrogant and selfish they become. It’s just paper! The saddest part is that it disappears and if happiness and money go hand in hand for you, woe unto you!

I really enjoy my community health classes. If we addressed racism, we would significantly improve health outcomes.

I love my family so much and the greatest dilemma of my life is that I don’t get to spend much time with them. I have seriously been re-thinking my role in the diaspora and if it is worth it. At the moment, I’m arguing that it is because of my career prospects but with my son growing up without extended family,so not worth it…sigh.

ants are blind

Yesterday was monumental. Two weeks ago, Lil man had asked what a coconut looked like to my horror. Being the great and amazing parent I am, we went to the store and bought a coconut. I explained to him that we can't just cut into it,we would wait to go 'drop' it in our backyard since it's wonderfully created as concrete.

Yesterday was that day, I let him do the honors and it went very well, the coconut broke in half. I managed to grab it before all the water spilled. Lil man was very surprised that it was water and not 'milk' because he had been looking forward to tasting coconut milk. I use coconut milk quite often(from the can)in my cooking but I don't know where he got the idea that the one in the coconut would taste like cow milk.

He tasted the coconut water-that was ok. I explained that the milk comes from squeezing the white part of the coconut. I demonstrated by crushing some in my mouth and spitting it out-gross I know. He tried to eat some of it but he kept spitting it out, finally he begged me to 'squeeze' some in my mouth so that he could taste it-I didn't do it, that will be the work of my handy garlic crusher yet to be accomplished.

A couple hours later we came back to the backyard and each of the little pieces of coconut we had thrown around was surrounded by an army of ants.
So lil man in his wisdom " Why are the ants eating these pieces, they have my spit on them, can't they see the spit...man, ants are blind!"

this super convenient life

You know you are in the US when in an elevator, only 2 of you, going to the fifth floor and the other passenger comments.."I don't know why they don't have air conditioning in these elevators, it's too dang hot!"
Let's dissect that conversation...
1. We are only in the elevator for half a dang minute.
2. You could literally take the stairs to the fifth floor.
3. It's not even past 90 degrees, we are talking 80's.
4. There is only 2 people in the whole elevator, try taking a crowded elevator midday on a hot day.
5. Really, that is your issue?
6. Fan yourself for the half a minute.
7. These elevators are so dang efficient, it's not even half a minute, something like 20 seconds.

Yes, this microwave life we live!

God can do anything

I've been doing this thing where I pull a bible verse and have my son memorize it for the week. It was going to be one per week but it became too easy. Initially, I was going to set up a prize box but it never happened so when lil man recited the two verses, I offered that he could pick dinner that night. This is huge since he is so darn picky and for the most nights he doesn't approve of my healthy options.

Of course I was prepared that it was going to be something unhealthy. So he sheepishly announced that he wanted the Jewel honey wings.They are fried yes and definitely the best wings you can buy so I wasn't too sad.
We hopped on over to Jewel, got our pound of wings and we had to drive somewhere else before we got home. Fried wings in a car at 6pm..even if you were not hungry you have to dig in so as I was driving my lil man was busy munching away at the wings.
So after attacking a couple of wings, he stated as a matter-of-fact.."You know what they say....you can't finish wings all by yourself!"
LOL. So I'm always using some quote or the other on my lil man so it's good he's getting the gist of it but lol, I think he is confused on whom 'they' are.

I asked him who 'they' are and he just repeated his quote, and then thought about it some and blurted.."But only God can finish wings by himself, because he is God, he can gobble all of them up!"

At least we know that the lesson "God can do anything" is well understood, I can live with that.

Kids do listen...and obey

This morning went pretty smoothly considering we were dragging when we woke up. It's over 80 degrees so the school encouraged the students to bring a bottle of water, which we have been doing anyway. They also stressed that no juices or sodas are allowed, strictly water.
So I 'fixed' lil man's bottle and on our way to school I let him know that I added ice in his water so it would stay cool longer. His response? "Mom, I don't think we are allowed to have ice in school." My poor child, the school had apparently done a great job of scaring the students into bringing nothing other than water....
"Honey, I don't think the school will mind if you bring ice to school, after all ice is the same thing as water." They just learned about matter so I reminded him.
Lil Man:"Oh yeah, I forgot,then it should be ok".

All's well.

Natasha Bedingfield - These Words with Lyrics

the one who holds me

I found out a friend moved to a different continent for good. She is a great friend. She did not tell me and that hurt a little, but I completely understand-because I have often felt the same way many many times. That I could just wake up one day and put together everything I have and move back home, closer to family and closer to peace. So I'm a tad bit jealous that she had so much courage to do that which I have been wishing BUT even more so INCREDIBLY happy for her!
As for me, every day this month has been an incredible journey to finding myself...yeah 30 and still searching...the great news is that I finally had the courage to face the truth-my hope is built on nothing less than Jesus blood and righteousness. He is the beginning and the end. I'm incredibly excited...even though I have been a christian a long time, it's been an journey and I'm learning everyday to trust in the one who made me. My heart is rejoicing-even though there are a bunch of challenges ahead of me. I know that I can be confident that the one one who holds my heart also holds the future. It's incredibly great to know God experience true love and peace.

Hope for today

"TO BE HOPEFUL in bad times is not just foolishly romantic. It is based on the fact that human history is a history not only of cruelty, but also of compassion, sacrifice, courage, kindness.
What we choose to emphasize in this complex history will determine our lives. If we see only the worst, it destroys our capacity to do something. If we remember those times and places—and there are so many—where people have behaved magnificently, this gives us the energy to act, and at least the possibility of sending this spinning top of a world in a different direction.
And if we do act, in however small a way, we don’t have to wait for some grand utopian future. The future is an infinite succession of presents, and to live now as we think human beings should live, in defiance of all that is bad around us, is itself a marvelous victory."
— Howard Zinn

cooking gene?

I made chapati's today. There is no better cure for homesickness than making your all time favorite meal growing up. Many people complain that it is a tedious task but for some reason, I think it's a pretty snappy job, once I figured out how to make the perfect dough that is.
Today I had my superhelper aka lil man. He loves to help with the cooking and I love to have him help me-only that the clean-up takes as much time as it does to cook!! Today was no exception and I figured out you are only a kid once so I let him play with the wheat flour, corn flour, pour water here, stir, blow, and touch everything he shouldn't be. So by the end of it, the two of us and everything around us was looking 'heavenly'.
I was explaining to lil man how it's nice that he gets to help me roll the chapatis because he can learn how to cook-letting him know that my brother is a great cook.
Of course he had a smart reply, " I'm already a good cooker", LOL, ok corrected the 'cooker' part then asked him why he thinks he is already good. He proceeded to explain that he is already good because he inherited 'cooking' from my brother, just like he inherited his drawing skills from grandpa.
Ok, my bad, maybe I didn't explain the whole passing down genes very well but I can see he picked up something. I'm just not sure my brother's culinary skills bothered to criss cross all the way down the lineage to my son but only time will tell.

PS. The Chapatis were great even with all the over-rolling and prodding of dough that lil man does, so he may be onto something here.

It did pass

The studying, the papers, the anxiety, the finals. All over-for now until I start over in August-But for now I can take the time to hopefully get some sun. It's Chicago, when the sun comes around, you better get it. I do feel like a huge burden has been lifted. But in many ways it just made space for other things that did not get any attention-summer plans, pending wedding, hunting for a new job...ugh. The never ending cycle of madness in this land of "milk and honey".
My source of renewed hope and energy is to remember that it's not about me, that there is someone greater than I am who is at work in me. I'm so grateful for the gift of salvation, because when I'm at my worst, I can still feel loved and accepted. Thank you Lord for reminding me to stop relying on myself for all the things that stress me. I'm thankful for the promise that he will always be there and I know this is true from experience.
It's Mother's day tomorrow and I'm so grateful for my mother so beautiful in and out. I'm grateful for the chance to be a mom to lil man and I pray for the wisdom and strength to help him be the best he can be. To many more years of being a mom and superwoman!

homesickness

Life is so unpredictable, one minute you are up and soaring and the next minute you are down, lonely and out. It's 1 am on Sunday morning, studying for my exam on Tuesday. It was a good day. It had both ups and downs, tears and laughter all in one day. I love my friends because I can always count on a good laugh when I'm with them. I'm trying to make changes in my life that are painful and emotionally exhausting, and I've been good about being 'strong' but today, I cried some of that pain away.
I miss home, I miss my family on days like this. I feel like the only thing that could make this moment better is if I was surrounded by my family. My lil man is away this weekend and the house is lonely, too lonely. Did I say I miss home?
I don't even feel like going to church today, sometimes, I just want to be in church that feels exactly how it feels at home...many miles away.

the last stretch

I’m exhausted, mentally, emotionally, any kind of way. It’s that last 2-week stretch of the semester. There are soo many tasks to be done-why I’m I in school again? Why I’m I voluntarily torturing myself? I’ve kind of figured out, that even though school is taking a lot out of me, my job/work is the real killer here. I just can’t do it anymore. I officially hate my job. It takes a huge amount of energy to do the most minute task and my productivity is at an all time low. See, my boss is too bossy and I just don’t feel like I can take any more crap from her. Since the office manager passed away, this place is just not the same. This place in the words of Lauryn Hill (and not how they were meant to be used) is ‘killing me softly’, my brain at least. I need more- a challenge, more responsibility, more sense of doing good or accomplishment, and this is not it! This is not where I’m supposed to be but where I’m I supposed to be?

I’ve toyed with the idea of quitting and living on loans to do school full-time for 3 semesters. But I’m a mom and the economy is not so the way it used to be, so that might not be a smart move. Ok, I should be getting married soon so this could potentially work-that’s another post altogether, the whole marriage thing. The most rational thing to do is apply for other more suitable jobs. I know I want more challenge and responsibility but let’s face it, that means working long hours to prove myself on top of school and lil man so do I really want to take the route of a new job, new commute, and new hours? I love my flexible schedule as it is. Yuck, I guess something has to give.
I’m thinking I should trust and believe that God could provide this perfect job where I’m challenged and can strike a balance, but I’m scared. Scared to fully trust in the workings of an almighty God, my father who absolutely cares for me? What I’m I thinking? The God who cares about what birds eat…Why can’t I pray and trust God for this miracle job, doesn’t he have plans to give me a hope and a future? I know I need to surrender, do my best, and believe. Easier said than done, Lord I need strength and wisdom to get through this time.

March oh March

March has come and gone and I’m sure glad it has. A lot of mixed emotions this month, thinking about it, I’m just grateful I came out in one piece. Let me see, it started off with a take-home midterm exam…yes that says it all, it means stress. On the day we received the assignment, I was glad I had sometime to think it over because I didn’t want to have to do all that thinking at once. I sat on it for a couple days thinking I should do it bit by bit. This is all too wishful thinking for me, but I had a plan. I was looking over the syllabus and somehow misread the due dates for the exam, it was three days past and I only had the coming weekend to get it all down before Friday?
I did what I do best, panicked for an entire 3 minutes. 10 page paper due in 4 days on “stuff”. This was going to be my first paper in eh…7 years and I had 4 days!!! Ok, more like I panicked for a whole afternoon. I quickly dialed my emergency babysitter, a.k.a fiancée and let him know that I needed him the following Saturday to work some magic with lil man-all day. Luckily he does not mind.
I had an early Saturday; I convinced myself that driving to the library would be a waste of time so I planned to have a productive day on the dining table. Lil man was off and I was on.

The trouble with being at home is…many things are a distraction. I like to clean (unluckily). So I figured out I could clean the kitchen first and that would make concentrating easier. Ok, an hour later, I was staring at my comp. I had 5 questions out of 6 to answer. If I tackled 3 today (LOL) I would have 2 to do the next day and Monday to look everything over. Two hours later, I had researched the first two questions and had picked my final 5 questions to answer. This definitely was not going as planned. A quick look at the syllabus at the end of the day(being sidetracked) revealed that I had an extra week to submit this exam! What? After all that panicking….ok good ending to that story.
Class number 2 on Tuesday revealed that I had my midterm the day after my take-home was due, I totally don’t know how I overlooked all these dates. Note to self; calendars are a grand thing.

Ok, so beginning of March, I was being mom as usual (and with all its happy and challenging times) and I had two exams but that was not enough, I started feeling sick the weekend before all this. I thought it was a cold but I was so fatigued all I wanted to do was sleep. I managed to turn in my paper at 8 pm on the due date even though the deadline was midnight. Actually I had it done the Sunday night prior, a crisp 10 pages except I realized that I did not double-space!!! S*** what kind of student I’m I? No wonder I kept filling it with ‘fluff’….. So I had to edit it to half of what I had which is not as bad, I just took out the fluff and left the good stuff stay. At this point I didn’t care, I had an exam to study for the next day and I was feeling crappy. That Monday night, I was too congested, had a headache and went to bed early. My exam was at 3 in the afternoon, I just ignored work the next day and studied, I even considered calling the prof to see if I could take it the next day but decided taking cold meds to keep me awake was a better idea.

Fast forward, a few days later I was feeling even worse and realized I had a full blown sinus infection and had to be on antibiotics. Thank God for a boss=doctor. Mid-March is registration time for summer camp. God heard my prayer that day, the lines are usually long but for some reason, I was in and out that day. Life was looking pretty good.

I got to work ready to tackle all those projects I neglected while I studies. As soon as I sat on my desk, our receptionist dialed my extension sounding desperate; apparently my boss needed my help downstairs because our office manager was feeling sick. Now, our office manager needs a post all by herself, but she was prone to getting her blood sugar so low we would have to put an IV while she was in the office, chocolate bar for breakfast will do that to you.

So I quickly ran downstairs and found that Julie was vomiting and going in and out of consciousness with like 10 medical residents/doctors surrounding her… not doing much just staring. I could hear “code blue” on the hospital speaker system which is when I realized she needed to go to the ER ASAP. So I got to Julie who was being helped onto a wheelchair by my boss, grabbed her handbag and work documents and was to meet them back at the ER. That was the last day that I saw Julie as herself. The ever- vivacious, quirky, whacky for a manager-type of lady who never had a bad day. She usually cursed it away. She called me ‘hon’ and treated me more like her child. She had a funny saying for everything and it made me laugh. I mean who says “I gotta pee so bad my back teeth are hanging loose”? LOL. Most of them never made sense but were funny nonetheless. I survived this work place because of her.

Everything else went so fast, ER, CT scan, brain aneurysm, surgery-she showed signs of recovery for just but one day. We even joked about getting blue eye shadow, which was always her line, that if she had a stroke, we would put blue eye shadow on her just to annoy her. Then more surgeries but the bleed in her brain was too much for her, she died with her family surrounding her. On March 28, I was at the funeral of my manager dear friend. I keep re-playing that scene over and over, that trip to the ER, like I could have done something to prevent it. Then I started hating smokers, Julie had been a life-long smoker, a risk factor for her type of aneurysm. But eventually I’ve gone into some place between denial and acceptance-if there is such a place. I’m so glad I got to know Julie, and every time I think of her, I laugh at her funny sayings and stories. Most times it’s hard to believe she is gone. We are all moving on I guess. Life moves on. I’m glad I have the promise of a better life after death, because then I can be confident that even when I pass on, I will be in a better place.

Lil man had spring break vacation the day after the funeral and the dear Lord was kind enough to give us extraordinarily warm temperatures for which we enjoyed every bit of. 80 degrees in April is like Christmas in July, like a drop of water in the dessert….ok you get the picture. Perfect spring break! I even managed to finish undoing the extension braids on my head-a real pain in the neck-literally.
April, please be kind.

kids really do say the darnest things...

School is really kicking me in the behind this semester but I'm sure I will triumph. Too bad I've missed on writing about all the funny comments from lil man...but this one...couldn't let this one go.
Yesterday evening, our trip to Targee turned out to be more than we had bargained for. I had a couple very specific things that I needed to purchase, BUT as it almost always turns out, my hands were full by the time I got to the counter. Get this, I specifically did not get a cart or a basket for this very reason but as we were getting out of the store both lil man's hands and I were sore from lugging all the items we had picked. So my lil helper and I paid, got them in bags and as we were walking from the store, he comments "My arms are so tired, I feel like they are going to fall off!"
"Me too honey, " I replied "but just hang in there the car is not far."

As we walk out the door trying to hurry to the car, lil man asks in a matter-of-fact voice "If my arms fall off, I'm I going to grow some new ones?"
First I did what I always do, laugh out loudly (inwardly of course), looked at him and just smiled because I could see he was serious. I know they have been learning about reptiles and he has a fascination with lizards and what nots..you get my drift.

"No honey, only lizards and other such reptiles grow parts when they loose them."
"Oh yeah, I knew that," came the reply.

I've caught myself laughing so hard the couple times I have thought about this. Kids...my lil man.

big words, lil man

I think every working mom knows that if you get your kid out the door in one piece and one time, it's going to be a good day. So today I was up early, made some cheese eggs, we had some leftover breakfast sausage which I warmed up. My picky eater decided that the eggs did not have enough cheese so he got some toast. My lil man nowadays seems filled with doses of wisdom. I asked him if he wanted jam or butter on his toast. He responded by stating that it is not 'jam', it's 'jelly'. "Jam is extinct, mommy, don't know, we are in the future". LOL. Apparently I'm so old I don't realize that we don't use that word anymore according to a first grader?!
Ok so got the jelly and butter, put the not so cheesy cheese eggs on his toast, he took one bite which he happily ate but as he examined the bread for his next bite, he saw what he says is a nut in the bread. That was the end of the toast and eggs. It's whole wheat bread!! I used the same bread to make a cheese sandwich which he happily ate yesterday but noo...not today. I know my lil man, I could sit there and scream for two hours and he would take the full two hours to finish one bite of that bread.
So onto the sausage. He took one look at it, "hmmm, this looks awfully familiar mommy, did you save the sausage from yesterday?" Seriously! Anyway he ate some of the sausage, some juice and he was full.
He had a presentation on dinosaurs which he worked on over the weekend. Huge poster, would not have been my choice but his dad decided to go all out. Ok, got the poster, we are walking to the car and lil man blurts, "Man, first grade is on another level!" I'm like what did you say "First grade is on another level now mommy, they make us do presentations for 3rd and 5th grade!" LOL. I had even forgotten about the dinosaur project, that must be where he picked up the 'extinct for jam'. I guess if we learn words we gotta use them somehow.
I laughed all of the 6 minute drive to school. We made it to school on time, it's going to be a good day!

I miss my mom

There are some things that don't change no matter how old we are. Some days like today I just want my mom...and on days like this when I'm having an incredibly hard day, I regret why I live so far from my family and I'm filled with immense sadness and helplessness. I really hate that I live so far away and its something that I think about on a daily basis. I don't think my life is much better just because I make more than I would make living at home. I struggle with whether the education and pursuit of the American dream is worth it after all not to mention enduring 5 months of bitter cold and lack of sunshine.
I called my family today, and somehow instead of making me feel better, I felt sad. I am missing all those chances of laughter and sharing. I'm always rushing, busy, lot of times lonely and feeling so heavily laden as a sole provider for myself and lil man.
Ok so I'm getting married and to a great man...but at this point this is a bit
stressful in itself...where are we going to live, when is the wedding, how big, how much...YIKES!!! Lots of endless questions...I don't have time or space in my brain. I need to file my taxes, fill out my FAFSA, complete my homework assignment, catch up with the pile of reading, sell some chocolates for lil man's school fundraiser, meet with his teacher...and that's why I need my mom, because she would hug me and let me know that it was all going to be ok and I would feel better.
She did let me know that it was not going to be like this forever and that I needed to trust that God knows what I'm going through and he can lighten this load. If I didn't believe in Jesus, I don't know where I would be right now. I know in the back of my head that he cares and is right here with me. Sure, it's not my mom but he has a special way of letting me know that it's going to be ok. So that's all I'm banking on now, the Lords promise to always be with me, strengthen me.
"Do not be anxious, about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guide your heart and your mind, in Christ Jesus." Phillipians 4:6

Wow, I have a blog...

Ok, so my life has been totally hectic and amidst my pile of paperwork I remembered this blog and how good it feels to write without being 'forced'. I have posts stored in my head that I have been wanting to put down and now that I started I'm afraid I might not stop...but I have to, because of a minor thing called a MIDTERM on Thursday!! First of all...don't know why they call it midterm because it's only been a few weeks and it's not midsemester but to help it make sense there is midterm 1 and 2.
Epidemiology is an interesting subject, I loove this class. Actually I love school and work is cramping my style right now. My boss seems to be yelling more than usual and I'm not liking it the least bit. I had a co-worker walk right out and quit a couple weeks ago and lately I've been dreaming about doing the same thing...yeah, stick it to them...but that is where it shall stay for now because I don't have a trust fund, I digress. Back to school,the place where fulfillment and stress meet, but I can live with that.
My baby boy a.k.a lil man has seen Mommy less because of the massive amounts of work I've had and crazy schedule. I never cease to amaze myself at how I always manage to overschedule myself. Typical characteristic acquired from my dad. I'm part of a group fundraising for microfinance projects in Kenya, I volunteered to give an overview of Africa as one of the few in my church this week, also thought it would be cool to teach a Kiswahili song to a couple people...mental note: meet with band and vocalists on Thursday night. I want to volunteer for another fabulous health project(meeting with director has been pending for a few weeks now), small group(church) meeting this Tuesday after study group meeting, sell those chocolates for lil man's school fundraiser, my friend just had a baby today and need to see her, need to return phone that I bought over the weekend...too much, my brain is barely functional. On top of all that, we are getting a winter storm that will make commuting a nightmare!!!!
I thought writing this post would make me feel better but it's only outlined how
scatter-brained I am right this minute and how many things need to be done. So I think I have to stop writing and do something else...yeah forgot about doing my taxes. Those need to be done ASAP so I can fill in my loans information....
If my family is reading this, pray for me. Lord, I need to feel some sanity in my life, give me wisdom to figure these things out.

I turned 30....

I feel just about the same as I did yesterday.
I may have noticed a gray hair that wasn’t there
Probably a wrinkle making its way
But I keep on walking without a care
My confidence keeps them at bay

A new chapter of life started with a prayer
To be the best I could without delay
Spread some happiness, ease some despair
Forgive myself and others for all gone astray
For only then can peace be mine to declare

I embrace my life without dismay
Trust God for my future, faith and hope to share
With family and friends everyday
Those moments precious and rare
And the greatest of all, Love to always display

30s here I come!