With this ring you pledged your love
With this ring came much happiness
With this ring you promised a lifetime
With this ring a new dream was born
With this ring you would be my partner in life
Now this ring is a reminder
Of love, happiness, promises, dreams, life
Deferred
Now this ring brings sadness and tears
Feeling abandoned and shamed
This love
Agonizing, broken, fleeting
This ring
Beautiful, Whole, precious
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Truth and Reality
When you finally see the truth, it’s like your eyes are opened for the very first time, and you can see clearly, you understand; and you are sad because the reality you lived in, was only a fraction of the truth. It was real, but it was not complete. It was not the truth. Sometimes as human beings we know, we sense, but we don’t want to uncover the truth because it might hurt, because it could move us, because it may be uncomfortable, but we forfeit peace, love and happiness. See, the truth sets you free, truth is universal and eternal; reality is relative and finite. Once reality ends, and if we choose truth, our eyes are opened; we can never go back because we are free. Truth sets us free. Jesus said, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. John 14:6. If we choose Jesus, we choose truth. Apart from him everything is relative and finite. He is universal and eternal.
Healing
I am discouraged
once again I thought I could
But I can’t
Not with all this pain
My heart is fragile
How can I go on dear Lord?
Tell me how can I go on?
You tell me one step at a time
But my face is clouded with tears
And I would rather see the Promised Land
But you tell me one step at a time
Not with all this pain
My heart is broken
But you tell me you are with me
Yes Lord I know
I hold on to you dear Jesus
Your eye is on the sparrow
So I know you watch over me
I pray for strength to move
I pray for faith to step
I pray for forgiveness
Take this burden so I’m free
How can I go on dear Lord?
You say I can
So I believe in you
I believe in your word
I can go on
once again I thought I could
But I can’t
Not with all this pain
My heart is fragile
How can I go on dear Lord?
Tell me how can I go on?
You tell me one step at a time
But my face is clouded with tears
And I would rather see the Promised Land
But you tell me one step at a time
Not with all this pain
My heart is broken
But you tell me you are with me
Yes Lord I know
I hold on to you dear Jesus
Your eye is on the sparrow
So I know you watch over me
I pray for strength to move
I pray for faith to step
I pray for forgiveness
Take this burden so I’m free
How can I go on dear Lord?
You say I can
So I believe in you
I believe in your word
I can go on
Sunday, June 26, 2011
the heart's loss
Today I mourn:my relationship, love, a dream, a lifetime deferred. God, I was so not prepared for this. I went from being ecstatic about a lifetime to being completely deflated by the disappointment, never ending excuses and eventually the bitter reality.
Today I mourn for my son, for the life that he thought he would have, and the expectations that he has held. My heart just breaks for him so much. How could I let him love someone who would disappoint him then distance himself? How could I, what kind of mother does that…twice? Can I ever forgive myself?
Today I mourn for my parents, for the trouble they have had to go through and for the pain that they bear on my behalf. They wish me well and it’s so hard for them to see me keep falling over and over again. I thank God for their support and wisdom..yes, mostly wisdom even when I didn’t notice it, I realize now how wise they have been.
Tomorrow, maybe tomorrow, I will mourn for me.
Today I mourn for my son, for the life that he thought he would have, and the expectations that he has held. My heart just breaks for him so much. How could I let him love someone who would disappoint him then distance himself? How could I, what kind of mother does that…twice? Can I ever forgive myself?
Today I mourn for my parents, for the trouble they have had to go through and for the pain that they bear on my behalf. They wish me well and it’s so hard for them to see me keep falling over and over again. I thank God for their support and wisdom..yes, mostly wisdom even when I didn’t notice it, I realize now how wise they have been.
Tomorrow, maybe tomorrow, I will mourn for me.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
The Yo-Yo effect
You are up
You are down
Feeling great
Then feeling burst
Sometimes just over-stretched
Is this what life is really about?
One day smell the roses
Some others just too cloudy
Nothing appeases
How about some predictability?
Do the downs last longer
Than the coming ups ?
Or is it as they say,
Darkest right before dawn?
Who holds the string, who tugs?
I prayed for answers
Just one I did find
There is a master at work
For all the ups and downs
Prepare me somehow
While up I will praise
While down I will overcome
Gaining strength and humility
Whether up or down
The master is my guide
You are down
Feeling great
Then feeling burst
Sometimes just over-stretched
Is this what life is really about?
One day smell the roses
Some others just too cloudy
Nothing appeases
How about some predictability?
Do the downs last longer
Than the coming ups ?
Or is it as they say,
Darkest right before dawn?
Who holds the string, who tugs?
I prayed for answers
Just one I did find
There is a master at work
For all the ups and downs
Prepare me somehow
While up I will praise
While down I will overcome
Gaining strength and humility
Whether up or down
The master is my guide
Lord take this hurt
It hurts to think
It hurts to sleep
My dreams haunt me
My to be life extraordinaire
Now my nightmare
It hurts to love
It hurts to be hurt
My heart is broken
My to be life extraordinaire
Now just a crazy idea?
The things I liked
Are just passing me by
My God, how did I get here?
Did I loose sight,
Of what you desire my life to be?
The things I planned
Now just seem obscured
By all this hurt
Help me gain but a mustard seed
Size of faith to see the sun
If I know one thing
Is in You I have hope
I give you my hurt
Heal me Lord
Turn it into a blessing
In place of all the hurt
I accept your grace and pardon
For peace and joy are mine
And a new vision
To keep on loving
It hurts to sleep
My dreams haunt me
My to be life extraordinaire
Now my nightmare
It hurts to love
It hurts to be hurt
My heart is broken
My to be life extraordinaire
Now just a crazy idea?
The things I liked
Are just passing me by
My God, how did I get here?
Did I loose sight,
Of what you desire my life to be?
The things I planned
Now just seem obscured
By all this hurt
Help me gain but a mustard seed
Size of faith to see the sun
If I know one thing
Is in You I have hope
I give you my hurt
Heal me Lord
Turn it into a blessing
In place of all the hurt
I accept your grace and pardon
For peace and joy are mine
And a new vision
To keep on loving
The day the Lord moved
“The Lord himself goes before you, and will be with you”. Deuteronomy 31:8
Have you ever reached a time when you felt exhausted with and by the things going on around you? Have you ever felt that you needed God to intervene in order for things to work? Yet at the same time the frustration of the situation overcomes you and you become so downcast? This was me the morning I was supposed to move out of my apartment. I was exhausted physically and emotionally. I had been planning this move the month prior, packing meticulously albeit slowly, but by the morning of, the task at hand just seemed so monumental; much more than I could handle and certainly more than I had anticipated. Everything about this move had been exhausting, from finding out that I needed to move sooner that I anticipated and the grueling task of finding a new place amidst having final exams. So by the morning of the move, I was defeated by what I saw in front of me. I heard the ‘bleep’ on my phone signifying my daily Bible verse text; I knew it was already 8 am and I prayed a simple prayer (or complaint), “God I don’t know how I’m going to do this!” The answer came in the form of that bible verse text message in Deuteronomy 31:8.
It was one of those moments you know God is going to work but you don’t know how. I just figured that I was going to get strength to work or somehow the packing would become magically easier than I thought. I looked at the boxes and then at all my stuff….if I worked nonstop for the next five hours, I thought, I should be good by the time the movers get here. The more I worked, the more insurmountable the work became. That was the end of myself and the beginning of God. God spoke to a dear friend who decided to come in earlier than planned and another friend who called and wanted to know if I needed help. I’m not sure why I had not even asked for help in the first place. Is it ever like that in your life, that you feel that you can do it all by yourself? It is uncomfortable to ask people for help, this is the culture of do-it-yourself; but this is not God’s way of doing things. My friend whom I had not even asked, in a heartbeat cleared not only hers but her family’s schedule for the day to come help me, and help me they did! I did not ask or tell or direct, they did what needed to get done. The movers were pleasant and worked hard.
God is so gracious, he is at work in our lives even when we cannot speak or do for ourselves. Let us not have such low expectations of God, he is our God, our Alpha and Omega. He says that his grace is sufficient for us and made perfect in weakness. I’m a planner, I could have probably planned this move meticulously and way in advance but because I was removed from it and indeed had little to do with how things turned out, I was able to see God intervening in this situation however minute it may seem. I can’t even put in words how much love I felt from those friends that day, but more importantly how much I felt that God was asking of me to just have a little bit more faith, be a bit more trusting and give up control of things I can’t even control. God takes care of the birds; in Luke 12 he says “How much more valuable are you than the birds!” If he can take care of birds, flowers and wild grass, we should know that our God cares about us in every situation! We need God and we need the fellowship of the people he has put around us. Let us seek God and his kingdom and he will reveal to us his perfect plan in our lives. Do not underestimate God and keep praying for he is about to move in your life if a way you may not have an understanding of and in the way that you need. We can trust him with all things big and small.
2 Corinthians 12:9 “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. So then I will boast most gladly about my weakness so that the power of Christ may reside in me.”
Have you ever reached a time when you felt exhausted with and by the things going on around you? Have you ever felt that you needed God to intervene in order for things to work? Yet at the same time the frustration of the situation overcomes you and you become so downcast? This was me the morning I was supposed to move out of my apartment. I was exhausted physically and emotionally. I had been planning this move the month prior, packing meticulously albeit slowly, but by the morning of, the task at hand just seemed so monumental; much more than I could handle and certainly more than I had anticipated. Everything about this move had been exhausting, from finding out that I needed to move sooner that I anticipated and the grueling task of finding a new place amidst having final exams. So by the morning of the move, I was defeated by what I saw in front of me. I heard the ‘bleep’ on my phone signifying my daily Bible verse text; I knew it was already 8 am and I prayed a simple prayer (or complaint), “God I don’t know how I’m going to do this!” The answer came in the form of that bible verse text message in Deuteronomy 31:8.
It was one of those moments you know God is going to work but you don’t know how. I just figured that I was going to get strength to work or somehow the packing would become magically easier than I thought. I looked at the boxes and then at all my stuff….if I worked nonstop for the next five hours, I thought, I should be good by the time the movers get here. The more I worked, the more insurmountable the work became. That was the end of myself and the beginning of God. God spoke to a dear friend who decided to come in earlier than planned and another friend who called and wanted to know if I needed help. I’m not sure why I had not even asked for help in the first place. Is it ever like that in your life, that you feel that you can do it all by yourself? It is uncomfortable to ask people for help, this is the culture of do-it-yourself; but this is not God’s way of doing things. My friend whom I had not even asked, in a heartbeat cleared not only hers but her family’s schedule for the day to come help me, and help me they did! I did not ask or tell or direct, they did what needed to get done. The movers were pleasant and worked hard.
God is so gracious, he is at work in our lives even when we cannot speak or do for ourselves. Let us not have such low expectations of God, he is our God, our Alpha and Omega. He says that his grace is sufficient for us and made perfect in weakness. I’m a planner, I could have probably planned this move meticulously and way in advance but because I was removed from it and indeed had little to do with how things turned out, I was able to see God intervening in this situation however minute it may seem. I can’t even put in words how much love I felt from those friends that day, but more importantly how much I felt that God was asking of me to just have a little bit more faith, be a bit more trusting and give up control of things I can’t even control. God takes care of the birds; in Luke 12 he says “How much more valuable are you than the birds!” If he can take care of birds, flowers and wild grass, we should know that our God cares about us in every situation! We need God and we need the fellowship of the people he has put around us. Let us seek God and his kingdom and he will reveal to us his perfect plan in our lives. Do not underestimate God and keep praying for he is about to move in your life if a way you may not have an understanding of and in the way that you need. We can trust him with all things big and small.
2 Corinthians 12:9 “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. So then I will boast most gladly about my weakness so that the power of Christ may reside in me.”
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