Transition tale 1

First it was the hair. Before the hair went kinky, I had to have a mental transition about what it means to have kinky curly hair in a world where it isn’t mainstream. And a mental transition it was. I held onto my long, straight strands for as long as I could, vowing to keep my hair  long while attempting to gradually eliminate the permanently straightened ends. 

At first, I had some rational fear of going short-haired. Being petite, I might look like a boy, or look even younger. Believe me, when you are a mom and constantly have to explain HOW you have a son who appears more like your brother, it is not a complement!  I have to be conscious about how I dress or look especially in formal and work situations to be taken seriously. Short hair does not fall in the category of enhancing this image and it terrified me. Then there was the irrational fear. Curly hair would invite all sought of strange and blank stares. It would also invite judgment and I’ll go so far as to say pity. See some look at my “unkempt” hair as a sign of a lack of resources to make it “straight”.

That is why there had to be a mental transition first. Confidence. I had to let go of fears, preconceived notions, and judgments from myself and others. Most importantly, I had to invite in their place affirmative messages, cultivating inner strength, acceptance of the beauty of kinky curly hair despite what society labels it. The funny thing is I have always secretly loved big afro, kinky and curly hair. My mom has lovely natural hair which she puts to the scissors to at whim and it grows back. I just thought it was for others and not something that I could ever pull it off. Pause at that thought: “I cannot pull off hair that I was born with”.  Hmm. Thank God that the natural hair community is emerging strongly.  Positive messages are out there if you seek them and if you don’t seek them they are still there, within yourself.  I gathered a lot of information about my hair. A LOT.

I loved feeling my thick curly strands take over my head in place of the scraggly straightened ones. I wore hair styles that promoted the curly and most often tucked the straight ends in. 11 months of trying to fight my two textures into submission, I was done. On a Friday after work I walked into a salon. I had plenty of time to think about this life-changing decision as it was the weekend before mother’s day and apparently there were many heads before mine. However, the stylist is a natural hair enthusiast was God-sent. She was just as excited as I was about this moment.  I didn’t freak out. I took pictures of my falling strands as she took scissors to them. I saved a sample, not sure what I intended to do with it (funeral ?..). No I’m not that crazy and I don’t even remember where I put it after that, probably because I was so ecstatic! After all my hair was done, I had the loveliest 4 inches of great hair. The first thought that came to my head was, Why in the world did I wait so long to do this? I was so happy and content. 

Post day of cut, it’s been amazing. I look in the mirror and in amazement jump up and down (don’t judge me) thinking how much I love being short curly or sometimes fro’d woman!  You can’t tell me n’thin! Funny, I feel more confident now that I did before. Most have loved it, some have called me crazy (literally), but I love it. Shocking how, now that I’m natural, I’m meeting all these other natural heads EVERYWHERE, church, bible study, work, grocery store. I’ve even had requests from other curly haired girls asking how they could get their hair to be like mine, or what do I do, where, how.. My hair is my hair. I can’t compare it to anyone else’s. Most of the time I just wash wear and it’s alright. I’m truly not my hair but most importantly I have learned to overcome the self-imposed limits and the apprehension over what anyone else may say. It truly is freeing.

Sometimes I wonder if God does customize his approach to us meeting us where we are. This hair transition was in a lot of ways a leap of faith. I feel like God is asking me to do the same thing in my spiritual life, that he is ready to take me to the next level but I have been so comfortable. Maybe I have just be trying to blend in as a Christian, I don't want to be judged or get blank stares when I take it to the next level for God. Jesus was not an exhibitionist but he did what he was called to do, he did not get comfortable with the temporary, he got busy and was on the move for his people even when he faced difficulties, criticism and even death. That will be tale 2, the spiritual transition.