Thanksgiving……I have a lot of things to be thankful for: family, friends, work, school, good health, good grades, etc. I’m so blessed which is why I feel a bit selfish for being so anxious about the actual holiday. The months of November and December bring happiness and sadness in much the same amounts. If I’m not travelling to see my family which is not so often, I know I will be in cold Chicago and I’m always anxious about being alone during the holidays and while everybody has happily made plans to be with their family, I’m always in that awkward state of unplanned Thanksgiving, unplanned Christmas. I almost hate it when people ask me what I’m doing for Thanksgiving. There are usually a number of scenarios when this question comes up with my response (in my head) after it.
Scenario 1: Person asking is going out of town to be with family. When I respond that I have no plans, there’s the usual, do you have family anywhere close or how often do you get to see your family? Sad story that I wish I didn’t have to recount.
Scenario 2: Person asking feels has family in town/burbs so they say that if I don’t have any plans, I can join their family for Thanksgiving. Maybe
Scenario 3: Person asking has family in town but it’s obvious Thanksgiving is “their” thing so the invitation is made in a weird way like “we’ll be home, you can always join us” sounding intrusive but willing to sacrifice type of vibe. A big NO
Scenario 4: Person asking is truly honestly concerned and especially if they are Africans in the Diaspora, I know they truly mean it. Most Likely
The comfortable scenario only happens about 10% of the time. How’s that possible? I know many people; ok I think I have friends.
See, I used to have this friend in Chicago who is real cool like family and I knew that unless they were going out of town, we would stick together for Thanksgiving wherever we were going to be. Too bad they moved to a different city and now I’m back to square one.
I’m not throwing a pity party for myself. I’m really not. But this has the tendency to make me want to have 5+ kids so I can always have a big family around me. Not a good reason but reasonable. So I’m thinking I should start my own party and invite people who have nowhere else to go as opposed to having the 5+ kids. I think that’s a better plan. Starting next year that is… See this year; I have this job with bare minimum vacation and school, mostly school. So I can’t afford to take up too much time entertaining while I have pending final exams!
I’m not sure where I was going with this but I’m thankful for my family that I know will be with me: my Lil and my Main man. Even if it’s just the 3 of us, we have a lot to be thankful for.
Monday, November 16, 2009
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
How much Lysol do we need?
I have a personal opinion regarding the H1N1 which I will not share. I sure hope this thing goes away as fast as it came or at least we figure out why it's infecting some people so severely.
My Lil man has his own opinions too. Obviously they have been hearing about this at school and home. I wash my hands enough times during the day and he knows the routine now, wash hands as often as possible. Sometimes when he wants to make me happy he will wash his hands and let me know that he did. This is a huge improvement from his previous behaviour. He once came up with a clever way of not washing his hands after peeing....use a piece of toilet paper to hold his peepee/weanie so no touch, no reason to wash hands, just as if he never peed at all. LOL. It was ingenious and a mighty grand scheme but no points were gained. I think he still does it in my absence...but I digress. The important thing is he knows that hand washing is important and H1N1 is serious.
So this evening, I was writing some words on his dry erase board when he stopped and seriously stated that we needed some lysol wipes. I asked him why. Guess what the reply was.."Because I do not want to get H1N1 from the BOARD and lysol kills H1N1".
ME: I don't think the board would give you H1N1 unless one of us gave it to the board.
LIL MAN: Yes it would, it can get H1N1 from the air or something and we need to wipe it so we don't get it from the board.
*BLINK* If his opinion is right, we have the flu virus hanging out in our house waiting to infect anything, even the blackboard. We may need a lot of lysol by lil man's reckoning.
I think I will stick to a great diet and Vitamin C on this issue... lysol wiping may not be such a bad idea either. The things that six year olds say. I will miss this age.
My Lil man has his own opinions too. Obviously they have been hearing about this at school and home. I wash my hands enough times during the day and he knows the routine now, wash hands as often as possible. Sometimes when he wants to make me happy he will wash his hands and let me know that he did. This is a huge improvement from his previous behaviour. He once came up with a clever way of not washing his hands after peeing....use a piece of toilet paper to hold his peepee/weanie so no touch, no reason to wash hands, just as if he never peed at all. LOL. It was ingenious and a mighty grand scheme but no points were gained. I think he still does it in my absence...but I digress. The important thing is he knows that hand washing is important and H1N1 is serious.
So this evening, I was writing some words on his dry erase board when he stopped and seriously stated that we needed some lysol wipes. I asked him why. Guess what the reply was.."Because I do not want to get H1N1 from the BOARD and lysol kills H1N1".
ME: I don't think the board would give you H1N1 unless one of us gave it to the board.
LIL MAN: Yes it would, it can get H1N1 from the air or something and we need to wipe it so we don't get it from the board.
*BLINK* If his opinion is right, we have the flu virus hanging out in our house waiting to infect anything, even the blackboard. We may need a lot of lysol by lil man's reckoning.
I think I will stick to a great diet and Vitamin C on this issue... lysol wiping may not be such a bad idea either. The things that six year olds say. I will miss this age.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
starches of our life
My lil man, all of six years old has issues with food. Yesterday I had to make a starch and being the great and understanding mom, I gave him a choice, rice or ugali. Kids like rice, it’s plain and looks interesting, well most kids except this one. He was almost throwing a fit when I mentioned it. Now I have known this for a while but I asked him yesterday why he doesn’t like rice. The reply “It’s too small and it gets stuck I my teeth”. LOL and ugali, that is a given, he doesn’t like it because it’s Kenyan…even though he eats it when I make it. He likes ugali but will never admit it and good for him because I will never stop making it.
In the spirit of this food exchange, I asked him what he likes to eat and he asked if I could make porridge, he loves porridge. You know that gooey thick mix of amaranthus, millet, oats, rye, maize…yes that one. He doesn’t yet know what’s in it but that’s good for everyone because it’s probably healthier than all those starches combined. I didn’t make porridge for dinner, but I promised to make it for breakfast.
I still lost on the dinner issue since he remembered some left over spaghetti with sausage from the day before and happily ate away. That is all I could ask for, I suppose, my six year old happily eating away. We did make porridge this morning, a good hearty bowl. Now I know why he likes it so much, he gets to put a lot of sugar in it (like I do). I guess you win some you lose some, it’s a great morning!
In the spirit of this food exchange, I asked him what he likes to eat and he asked if I could make porridge, he loves porridge. You know that gooey thick mix of amaranthus, millet, oats, rye, maize…yes that one. He doesn’t yet know what’s in it but that’s good for everyone because it’s probably healthier than all those starches combined. I didn’t make porridge for dinner, but I promised to make it for breakfast.
I still lost on the dinner issue since he remembered some left over spaghetti with sausage from the day before and happily ate away. That is all I could ask for, I suppose, my six year old happily eating away. We did make porridge this morning, a good hearty bowl. Now I know why he likes it so much, he gets to put a lot of sugar in it (like I do). I guess you win some you lose some, it’s a great morning!
Monday, October 26, 2009
God is good all the time
A totally unexpected happening today, I got an email that I received a scholarship at school for $1000 credited to my account....Whaaat? God works in miraculous ways. God is faithful even when we fall short (previous post).God is good all the time.
Self assessment and the need for wisdom
I’m on a journey, to clean up my act, because I’m called to live for and at a higher standard. Funny, how it is so easy to live your life so selfishly without thinking about consequences, purpose and goals. It’s easy for me to wake up in the morning, drop my lil man off at school, run to work, do some work, check email some, get stressed some, pick my son up, dinner, some TV and then do it all over again the next day. Busy, too busy to exercise, to read the Bible, to call up some friends…and lately I’ve been caught up in that cycle. Once you start going down that road, it’s a domino effect, it triggers a series of other bad decisions. That was where I found myself this past weekend, on that road to nowhere, cruising and going through the motions, the road where everything just seems blurry, doing things for no rhyme or reason.
I was having a good time, it was a party, I had some wine I didn’t like, I had a strong drink I didn’t like but heck everyone was doing it, and it was Saturday, why not? Someone said something I didn’t like, pretty disgusting with a sexual connotation to it, I didn’t get mad, I just dismissed it, someone crossed the line, I dismissed that too, I stayed out late, slept in, missed church, watched the game….catch my drift? Sigh… it saddens me.
So I’m doing an assessment of what I would have done differently….I don’t like drinking 99% of alcohol drinks because they just taste nasty, so why in the heck was I drinking that strong, nasty tequila something just to have a drink in hand? I don’t mind a drink every now and then either, in good company and if it tastes good. Tea works just as great for me. In this company, I should have had the guts to say “NO” multiple times. No to the nasty drink, No to the nasty comment and No to boundaries crossed, No to any more time spent recklessly, No to bad company…period. I was soo saddened by myself thinking about it retrospectively. I need people in my life who have the same values, respect for each other, sensitive to the world around them, supportive of other ideas that do not involve the self, involved in service. Isn’t this the environment in which I should be spending most of my time, if I want to grow?
I saw a book with the title “Too busy Not to pray”, I think this says it well. I prayed and read the Bible this morning; I think that’s a start. I have to be accountable for the time I spend on this earth. I don’t want God to ask me wssup and I realize that I was completely self absorbed. I want my life to be meaningful. So I asked God for forgiveness, courage and wisdom…mostly wisdom, I think I need a good dose of that. Thank Heavens for a God who does not condemn but loves us despite ourselves.
I was having a good time, it was a party, I had some wine I didn’t like, I had a strong drink I didn’t like but heck everyone was doing it, and it was Saturday, why not? Someone said something I didn’t like, pretty disgusting with a sexual connotation to it, I didn’t get mad, I just dismissed it, someone crossed the line, I dismissed that too, I stayed out late, slept in, missed church, watched the game….catch my drift? Sigh… it saddens me.
So I’m doing an assessment of what I would have done differently….I don’t like drinking 99% of alcohol drinks because they just taste nasty, so why in the heck was I drinking that strong, nasty tequila something just to have a drink in hand? I don’t mind a drink every now and then either, in good company and if it tastes good. Tea works just as great for me. In this company, I should have had the guts to say “NO” multiple times. No to the nasty drink, No to the nasty comment and No to boundaries crossed, No to any more time spent recklessly, No to bad company…period. I was soo saddened by myself thinking about it retrospectively. I need people in my life who have the same values, respect for each other, sensitive to the world around them, supportive of other ideas that do not involve the self, involved in service. Isn’t this the environment in which I should be spending most of my time, if I want to grow?
I saw a book with the title “Too busy Not to pray”, I think this says it well. I prayed and read the Bible this morning; I think that’s a start. I have to be accountable for the time I spend on this earth. I don’t want God to ask me wssup and I realize that I was completely self absorbed. I want my life to be meaningful. So I asked God for forgiveness, courage and wisdom…mostly wisdom, I think I need a good dose of that. Thank Heavens for a God who does not condemn but loves us despite ourselves.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
WHY
Why I’m I sinking all over again
Why I’m I crying all over again
Why do I have to go through this pain
Why the never-ending state of insane
Why is there no one to dry my tears
Why can’t I have an answer to my prayers
Why can’t I seem to ever get some peace
Why won’t all this madness cease
Why this loneliness Lord, please take it away
And in its place some courage for this day
Why I’m I crying all over again
Why do I have to go through this pain
Why the never-ending state of insane
Why is there no one to dry my tears
Why can’t I have an answer to my prayers
Why can’t I seem to ever get some peace
Why won’t all this madness cease
Why this loneliness Lord, please take it away
And in its place some courage for this day
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Is it fall already?
Yay!!! I'm in school...again, and I have to write not for fun but serious structured stuff. Not sure how well this will go down, but so far the stuff is interesting. Actually I'm understating it because I'm thoroughly in a not so surprising way enjoying school, I love learning about health etc and I feel like I'm in the right field. The work is another story especially taking Biostatistics and having to solve endless problems and derive equations....yuck, not really my strongest area. Actually I should be solving some of those now but I'm procrastinating since I kinda got lost in the class today and dreading having to go over all the unsolved x's and functions.
But I'm so thankful to God for how far I have come. I have to constantly remember to be thankful for what I have and not what I do not have or have not accomplished. After watching the Whitney Houston interview with Oprah two days in a row...and dang I'm suffering serious sleep deprivation for this, but I digress. She went through some rough stuff and Oprah was asking if she regrets..her answer was NO. I truly feel her on that. I have been through some crazy and mindblowing drama but somehow each of those experiences put in me something I know I would not possess by any other process. God has a way of doing things with us when we least expect it. I certainly don't wish my ish on anyone else so I'm asking God to help me be a good listener and be responsive to what he wants me to do. I've been making more compromises than I would want and doing things that I don't want to do and slacking on those I need to be doing. I want God to make me into the woman that he wants me to be and more than wanting, I feel God calling me to be the woman that he needs me to be, so I need to step it up and stop slacking.
But I'm so thankful to God for how far I have come. I have to constantly remember to be thankful for what I have and not what I do not have or have not accomplished. After watching the Whitney Houston interview with Oprah two days in a row...and dang I'm suffering serious sleep deprivation for this, but I digress. She went through some rough stuff and Oprah was asking if she regrets..her answer was NO. I truly feel her on that. I have been through some crazy and mindblowing drama but somehow each of those experiences put in me something I know I would not possess by any other process. God has a way of doing things with us when we least expect it. I certainly don't wish my ish on anyone else so I'm asking God to help me be a good listener and be responsive to what he wants me to do. I've been making more compromises than I would want and doing things that I don't want to do and slacking on those I need to be doing. I want God to make me into the woman that he wants me to be and more than wanting, I feel God calling me to be the woman that he needs me to be, so I need to step it up and stop slacking.
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