of endings and beginnings

The year is over and what a year it was! I will always be grateful for 2006. I cried, hurt ,discovered, healed, let go, laughed, danced more than any other year. It is always great when you can track progress, financially or otherwise but this time around it was emotional growth. This year, I brought my past, present and intended future together. I reevaluated my Christian beliefs, my goals, my core values as simple as why do I believe what I believe/ do and what direction did I want my life to take? 3 years of marriage had torn me down and left me just barely making it. I had let someone run me emotionally to the ground. I was embarrassed, shocked and hurt that someone I loved turned out to be my worst nightmare. I was saddened by my naiveté and inability to see when my nurturing characteristics were used against me. Sometimes it felt like I was a target, that every bad thing was coming my way. But they were right, whoever said that “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”. This year I learned to let go: of situations I cannot change, of past hurts and pains, of people that were not positive in my life, of stress. I learnt to set boundaries and enforce them, that a free NO leads to a free yes. It may not make everyone happy but it eliminates a lot of stress and resentment. I learnt that I am stronger than I thought I was. I have learnt that life happens and that there is nothing any one of us can do to avoid it and we should never think we have been targeted. It just does and all we can do is deal with it.

I also got my equal share of good this year. I experienced love and more friendships than I could have ever imagined. With all the hurt there is a lot more kindness and people who have been such a lifeline for me this year. I feel bad because not all of them know just how important and loved they are. I need to let them know. I have learnt that I cannot do it all myself and that it is ok to ask for help. I believe in miracles. I believe more in prayer and the presence of God in my life. I have learnt to laugh at myself; it makes forgiving and moving on easier. Most importantly I have learnt to listen and trust myself. 2007 here I come!