The gift of fear

It's the title of an amazing book I read last year written by Gavin de Becker. It talks about how we have a natural sense of a good or bad situation and even people. It’s about how to identify those survival signs that help us avoid a dangerous situation or person. This stuff is so obvious that we don’t think about it unless it happens to us or someone close to us. Now someone may think I’m trying to introduce the whole fear thing we have acquired in the last few years due to terrorism. Far from it, this is an everyday decision about people and the environment around us.

When we first meet someone, there is a vibe that we get from them and we quickly make an assessment. We can meet someone at a crowded party who makes us nervous and we can also meet someone at an isolated place that makes you feel comfortable. This book redirected my mind to think about what I’m feeling and have a healthy assessment of a situation. Let’s go back to the guy who makes you nervous at the party. You may feel some sought negative vibe but because he seems popular at the party or you have a mutual friend, you ignore your first instincts. It’s not only about relationships, it can help identify psychos..yes those before you give too much of yourself, identify types of relationships to form at work, at a mall, club, parking lot etc. Gavin de Becker breaks it down into the following points about positive fear:

-Recognize the survival signals that warn us about risk from strangers
-Rely on our intuition
-Separate real from imagined danger
-Predict dangerous behavior
-Evaluate whether someone will use violence
-Move beyond denial so that our intuition works for us

How many times have we heard that people were violated by people they knew or were comfortable with? How many times have we heard someone say “I knew something was bad was going to happen..or I knew there was something wrong with that person…or He acted a bit funny…I saw it coming…”

All my life I never imagined why anyone would choose to be mean or outright evil. It was always out there and never in my face. Now I know it’s there and I have to be smart about it. As one of my friend’s would say “everyone is guilty until proven innocent”. I’m not sure how much I agree but I can tell you I’m using my sixth sense. I’m still nonchalant when I meet people, because that is who I am but trust me, I am very aware. Ignorance is no bliss.